MakeDamnSure
by venom with love
Summary: Bella is Edward's best friend and ..... mistress? What happens when she gets pregnant with his child? All Human.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Bella's P.O.V.**

Today started out exactly like any other day. To a certain extent, It was a fairly normal day; a day that could be experienced by anyone in the world. Aside from a little uneasiness, it was a pretty good day.

Oh, except for one tiny detail, but we'll get to that later.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, trying to see if anything there could tell me why I had felt so weird all day – aside from the one thing I knew already - and if I could see a difference in my reflection. I was a little on edge for the whole day, the feeling intensified in the last couple of minutes.

I thought back to the first time we had done this. Almost four years ago.

I remembered hearing the entire town buzz with gossip on the new family moving here, we hadn't had a new family in years. From what I had heard, it was a rather large family. Mother, father, and three children that were all married. I vaguely wondered why the children would move here if they were already married. Apparently, they were a very close family.

Not one for gossip, I tried not to listen. For weeks, everyone was excited to catch a glimpse of the newcomers; I was a lucky one to receive that chance. A normal day for me, a trip to the grocery store, had turned into the huge mess I was drowning in at this very moment.

I relished the memory of how my breathing almost stopped altogether upon seeing how that messy bronze hair framed that perfectly chiseled pale face in the sallow store lights as he turned slowly into the aisle I was in.

To this day, I still don't know how we went from friendly strangers to tearing each others' clothes off in my living room.

I jumped when I heard a knock at the door. I smoothed down the slight waves in my hair and slipped on my dark blue robe. I had a, uh, tiny lingerie fetish and that little personality quirk had granted me the knowledge of how much the white, lace teddy I had on under my robe affected him.

I quickly made my way over to the door, took a deep breath, and opened it to reveal the most beautiful creature in the world. I had never been this nervous before, because we've done this so many times. Would today be the day to tell him? Probably not.

"I wish I was met with this every time a door opened in front of me." Edward said, the crooked smile that simultaneously made my heart flutter and my panties wet adorning his face.

"Wow, I'm standing here... like this... and that's all you can say, or do?" I teased.

"Oh, there is so much more that I would love doing to you right now." His voice dipped lower than before, making my lady bits tingle in anticipation. My hands, to their own accord, climbed up his rock hard chest and latched onto the front of his shirt, pulling him inside as he kicked the door shut. His large hands slipped around my waist, crushing me to him. I shivered as I felt his washboard abs come in contact with my stomach and heat pooled into my lower abdomen.

"We don't have that much time today. Tanya's coming home and we have reservations for dinner tonight." He sighed. I stiffened slightly, never wanting to hear him say her name. It was silly of me really; she was his wife after all.

God, even in my own mind I sounded like a slut! Which, of course, I know is exactly what I am.

"Well then, I guess we'll just have to make this a quick one." With that, his lips crashed to mine in a hungry craze. My hands flitted over his broad chest and clasped behind his neck, deepening the kiss. I pulled him down the hall and into my room.

"I like the more demanding Bella." He growled. I pushed him down roughly onto my bed. His clothes had to come off _now._

"You are far too covered up for my taste. Why don't we just see what's on under this little robe." He grinned cheekily and reached out to untie the sash holding my robe together, only to be slapped away by me.

"Not so fast, Eddie, we're doing things _my _way tonight." I slowly untied the sash and pushed the robe off my shoulders, letting the garment create a pool of blue silk at my feet. From the sudden intake of breath, I could tell he liked the view. I smiled, looking at him from under my lashes. I trailed my hand down the valley between my breasts, feeling my nipples harden.

"Oh God," he groaned, hands raised toward me in both a plea and submission. "How do you expect me to leave when you wear something like _that?" _I made my way over to where he was sitting on the bed. I crawled up to him and moved my legs to either side of his hips, straddling him. His erection strained against the confines of his pants, brushing against where I needed him most.

"I guess if it's just too tempting, then it _must _come off. Would that be easier to resist?" My bottom lip was trapped between my teeth and if the way his hips bucked and how he ran his hands up and down my sides were any indication that he thoroughly enjoyed the view, I'd say it was effective.

"I think you especially like to torture me," he pouted as he said this and I felt that familiar feeling I got when he did something so cute.

"But isn't it just the _best_ kind of torture?" I asked and looked at him through half-lidded eyes. My hands grasped onto his shoulders as I gently pushed him back so that he was lying down. My lips hovered over his and I could taste his sweet breath on the tip of my tongue. Just as I was about to plant a kiss on his luscious lips, his phone rang. Only one guess as to who that could be. The mood in the room completely shattered.

With a groan, I rolled off of him and buried my face in the pillows.

"Yes, the reservations are set for tonight at eight." Edward said, composure completely apparent to me, but had a hint of frustration dancing around the edges.

"Why would I have to change them... oh, your flight was early?" He said in a tone that was straining to be upbeat. I peeked up from the pillows and found him staring at the sheets, his expression unreadable.

"Yes, I'll be there in about an hour or so... I love you, too... bye." He snapped the phone shut and his eyes slid over to me.

"I'm sorry; her flight was early, so I really do have to go." He leaned over, giving me a sweet kiss and hopped off my bed. Aside from the guilt I felt from helping him commit adultery, when he left, every time, it was unbearable. Every time he left, it broke my heart even more.

"Edward, will we ever be more than a casual meeting when she isn't around? Am I always just going to be your whore waiting for your next summons?" I spat the questions, feeling the familiar sting behind my eyes as tears formed in them.

"Don't ever let me hear you call yourself a whore, Isabella. You are the farthest thing from it. I'm sorry for how things are right now and I want nothing more than to shout my love for you in the middle of the fucking town square, but I- we can't have that conversation right now, Bella. I love you more than anything in the world, you know that." He said, grabbing my hands in his, laying a brief kiss across the knuckles of each, and looking into my eyes.

"How can I believe that when you're saying that you love her right in front of me?" I sighed and if I didn't get out of his presence in the next few minutes, he would see me blubber like a baby.

"_You_ are the one I love and _you_ are the one I will want forever, but right now, I just have to work out a few things before we can have a normal relationship."

"I understand... kind of. Just go so that she doesn't get suspicious, or angry, or... whatever." I whispered, pulling my hands from his, and walked over to retrieve my robe and tie it securely around my body.

"Well, we still have tomorrow, right? I really am sorry, Bella, please believe that I'll always be sorry for putting you through this. I love you." He said and placed a kiss on my forehead before leaving.

"I love you, too." I whispered once he was gone, as the flood gates burst and the first tears slipped out.

Do you know what you would do if the only man you've _ever_ loved promised you marriage and love, but he was already married? He's always loved me, I know that, but I guess it's just not enough anymore.

So, yeah, remember that tiny detail from before? That little speck of information was the fact that I had taken at least ten pregnancy tests, of different varieties, and they were _all_ positive.

I was pregnant, with a married man's child.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Bella's P.O.V.**

"Sweetie, you're going to have to tell him sometime." Alice, Edward's sister and one of my closest friends, said gently. It was Saturday and we were having a little girls only day. And I was telling her my terrifying news, because she was the only one I could; she was the only who knew about mine and Edward's meetings.

"I know, Alice. I'm just waiting for the right time to bring it up." I sighed.

"There won't ever be a 'right' time to tell a married man you're carrying his child. What, are you going to wait until you start showing and say 'Oh gee, I was going to tell you about our baby, but it kind of slipped my mind?'" Alice quirked an eyebrow at me.

"No, Alice." I snapped, "I was going to tell him two days ago, but Tanya kind of interrupted us." I said, blushing.

"Well, shit! Oh my God! Did she, you know, walk in on you guys or something?! Does she know?" She was wide-eyed and open-mouthed as she nearly screamed this.

"Whoa there, calm down. No, she didn't find out. What I meant was that she called him when he was with me."

"So, why didn't you tell him when the call was over?"

"He said he had to go because Tanya's plane got in early and I didn't want to make him late."

"Not to be rude, but he already made you late." She smirked.

"Alice!" I coughed out.

"What?" She asked, eyes all innocent.

"Oh, whatever. Fine, crack jokes at your pregnant friend in need."

"You're right, I'm sorry, Bella." She waited a minute, composing herself. "So, have you decided what you're going to do about the...baby?"

"I don't know yet. I mean, Edward gets a say in that decision, right?" I bit my lip; just thinking about telling him gave me anxiety.

"Yes, he should. Now, I know this is a total and complete shit storm, I know this is making you get stressed out, and I know I can't force you to tell him now, so let's take your mind off things." She grinned. I knew that grin _too_ well; she was up to something.

"Alice." I warned, "What are you doing?"

"Well, tonight I was going to throw a little party for Rose. She booked her first show yesterday!" Alice announced excitedly. Rosalie was our other best friend who happened to be the sister of Alice's husband, Jasper.

"And?" I urged.

"And... we have to look totally fabulous!" She cried.

"Shopping." I grumbled. "Oh yeah, that's the _perfect _way to get my mind off things."

"I agree one hundred percent!" She said, pointedly ignoring my sarcasm.

**...**

"Bella! Get your pretty little butt in that dress now so I can start on your hair and make-up!" Alice yelled from outside of her bathroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror. The only thing I had on was a lacy, black strapless bra and the matching boy shorts. I placed my hands on my stomach and turned to the side, searching for any tell-tale signs of what was growing inside me. I knew it was silly to think that I would already have a baby bump, but I let out a sigh of relief, regardless, when I found none.

My dress was beautiful. I mean it _was_ Alice who picked it out so of course it would look fantastic. It was a strapless little black number that reached just above my knees, hugging my chest perfectly and billowing out smoothly from under my bust with a sash that tied in the front. The skirt had horizontal black and white stripes and she matched it with classic black pumps.

"Okay, Alice! You can come in and torture me now!" I called out. Not one minute later did Alice come storming in with her arms full of cosmetics and hair supplies. I was surprised that the little pixies' arms could hold so much crap at one time.

"So, what I'm thinking is just some volume to those waves and smoky make-up. You are going to look sex-ay tonight, my friend." She said in a sing-song voice that made me crack a smile.

"You can try your hardest Alice." I giggled, knowing it would set her off a little; she hates it when I go into 'low self-esteem' mode. She rolled her eyes at me.

"Oh, stop." She laughed and began her work.

After having my hair poked and prodded with the curling irons, she ran her hands through it. I had to admit it, my hair looked great; it waved down my back and framed my face softly. She applied two coats of black mascara and a dark brown shadow to my lids. The bottom of my eyes were line with a smoky liner. She finished it off with a light pink lip gloss.

"Annnd... Perfect!" She exclaimed, stepping back. I turned around and almost didn't recognize myself. The girl in the mirror did look...perfect. I turned back to Alice, who was now wearing a very smug expression.

"Thanks, Alice!" I said and hugged her tightly.

"No problem. You honestly don't see yourself clearly. You are one hot girl!" She yelled and danced back to her room to get dressed.

**...**

"Alice," I hissed, "You didn't tell me Tanya was going to be here."

"I honestly didn't know until about fifteen minutes ago. She was supposed to be working late or something, but I guess she backed out of that." She grumbled. Alice looked amazing as usual in a deep brown dress with one shoulder strap and stilettos.

Tanya looked like... well, Tanya. Completely gorgeous. Her strawberry blonde curls were pinned up in a crazy, but completely amazing style. She wore a black bubble dress with a v-neck that dipped in the back. My heart clenched when I saw Edward lean down and whisper something in her ear, causing her to giggle and slap his arm playfully. He looked delicious in his black dress pants and white button down shirt.

_How could he love me when he has someone like _her_ on his arm?_

"I'm so sorry, Bella." Alice whispered sadly. I saw Rose and Emmett sitting by one of the windows in the living room and decided to go sit by them. Emmett looked nice in a blue dress shirt and dark jeans and Rose looked stunning in a black and white dress with a deep V-neck and three-quarter-length sleeves and a black pair of very high heels.

"Well, congratulations, little miss supermodel." I laughed as I sat down beside her.

"It's _one _show." She said smiling, modest even though she should be gloating like hell.

"Rosie, we all know you're going to be booking more shows than any damn Victoria's Secret model in no time." Emmett kissed her cheek and she literally melted against him.

"You guys really think I'm that good?" She asked with a lit-up expression.

"Of course. I saw your portfolio and it's amazing!" Alice sat down on the other side of me.

"Has anyone seen Jasper?" Rose asked.

"He had to work late tonight, but he said he'll try to make it later on." Alice said. A smile crept up on her face as she talked about Jasper.

"Well then, let's have-" Rose was cut off.

"Hey, guys." Tanya cooed. I stiffened when Edward sat down directly across from me and Tanya sank down onto his lap. He was looking at anyone but me. It was like I wasn't even there. Tears came to my eyes when he nuzzled her neck.

"So, how are my favorite family members?" She asked, pointedly ignoring me.

"We're fine, thanks." Alice muttered and Edward glared at her. _Alice didn't do anything wrong, she just doesn't like Tanya..._

"Oh, and how are you doing, Bella?" She smirked and kissed Edward on the cheek.

"I'm doing lovely." I spat back.

"Must be that time of the month, huh?" She laughed. Alice and I both stiffened. What shocked me more is that a small chuckle escaped Edward's mouth. My head shot to his direction and I sent him an icy glare.

"Why don't I get us some drinks?" Edward asked.

"That would be great, honey." Tanya cooed and jumped off his lap. He turned and headed towards the kitchen, but not before she could give him a little pat on the rear.

"He just gets hotter by the day, don't you think?" She smiled dreamily and shot that comment directly at me.

"He's not exactly my type." I sighed. She just raised one eyebrow and looked away.

"Bells? Is that you?" A husky, but familiar voice asked from behind me. I turned around to see my childhood best friend, Jacob. He still had the same russet-colored skin, deep brown eyes, and childish grin he had when we were kids.

"Jake!" I yelled. I shot over to him and he enveloped me in a bear hug.

"I've missed you. Hell, I even missed this shitty weather. I've been in California too long." He laughed.

"Can't. Breathe. Jake." I choked out. He released me and smiled sheepishly.

"Aww, I've missed you, too, Jake. I haven't seen you in a couple of years. Not to seem rude, but what are you doing here?" I questioned.

"Wow, you look...wow. Leah, you remember her? I guess she knows someone Alice invited. She's gonna drop by a little later; she got held up with her mom. You know how Sue is."

"Yeah," I said blushing at his compliment, "So, you and Leah, huh?"

"Yeah, we both got into the same school and I don't know, we just kept running into each other and it just went from there. We're actually looking to move back on the rez; her dad's been getting pretty sick lately."

"I'm really happy for you, Jake. I hope I'll be able to see you guys around a lot more. God, I haven't seen Leah since high school!"

"We'll have to have dinner sometime when we get settled."

"Hey, you should meet everyone!" I led him over to where we were all sitting. I noticed that Edward had returned, but decided not to acknowledge him.

"Introduce us to your friend, Bella." Tanya said, eyeing Jake. If she was seriously interested in him while she had a Greek God next to her, she must be batshit insane.

"Everyone, this is Jake. We used to hang out all the time when we were kids." They all greeted him warmly except for Edward, who was glaring daggers at him.

We all laughed and joked around with Jake for about an hour or so. He was telling them about the time he came over wearing one of my dresses. I had dared him the day before to go out in public in drag.

"Bella, can I talk to you?" Edward asked, removing himself from Tanya, who just scowled at me.

"Su-sure." I stuttered.

**...**

"Bella! What are you doing?" Edward demanded as soon as we were upstairs.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how you were hanging all over Jacob when he first got here, right in front of me!" He ran his hands through his already messy hair in frustration.

"This... coming from you? That's rich, Edward." I said dryly.

"What do you expect? She's my wife." I felt an angry tear roll down my face and I wiped it away hastily. _Oh, so I'm not allowed to hug my friend while he's hanging all over his _wife?

"Bella, please don't cry. You know I love you." He pulled me against his chest and kissed the top of my head. I pushed him away and stared at the ground as warm tears trickled down my cheeks.

"No I don't." I whispered. I heard his breathing sharpen at my words.

"I'll show you." His hands knotted in my hair as he pulled my face closer to his. The sweet smell of his warm breath fanned out across my face. His smooth lips connected to mine and what started out as a sweet kiss, soon turned into a heated one full of lust and frustration. His hands came out of my hair and trailed down my sides. I shivered at the feathery caress. They came to a stop on my thighs and he rubbed the sensitive skin gently. Right when one of his hands moved back up to squeeze my left breast, I pushed him away breathlessly.

"We can't do this with your wife right downstairs."

"I know. You're just too irresistible. Do you know how tempting you look in this little black dress? I had to hold myself back from taking you downstairs. I guess we have to wait until next weekend when Tanya has that business meeting in New York." He said.

"Yeah, I'll see you then I guess." I mumbled ashamed at how that sounded; how the _truth_ sounded.

"Bye, Bella. I love you, please don't forget that." He kissed me once more and went back downstairs.

I slid down the wall, sobs wracking my body. I banged my head against it, trying to dispel thoughts of Edward.

_Why does he make me feel this bad?_

_I hate that I ever got involved with him; how I stay involved with him._

_How am I going to tell him about our baby?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Bella's P.O.V.**

I stood outside of Edward and _Tanya's _house the following Wednesday. She was at some major meeting for her firm and Edward wanted me to stop by. Why I even came here was a complete mystery. I should have left him high and dry after that stunt he pulled Saturday. What was the reason he wanted me here?

_Probably just for a quick fuck. _I thought to myself bitterly. Ever since Alice's party, I had been doubting how much I actually meant to him. Right now, I felt like an insignificant fly in his life.

I knocked on the door roughly. It took only a few seconds of waiting before he opened it and grinned down at me. It didn't make me feel the same way as before. It made me feel like a whore; extremely uncomfortable and only one guess as to why. I smiled weakly and followed him into the foyer. _How many times had I wished that _I_ was the one who lived here with him?_

"I'm so glad you could come, Bella." He sighed. He _seemed _happy enough. I peered closely at him, trying to see if this joyful exterior was just a good façade. I gave up when it seemed genuine.

"Me, too." I whispered.

"Bella? What's wrong? We're here alone; we haven't been alone in a while." He smiled gently.

"Is that all you care about! Our 'alone' time?" I hissed. His smile faltered and he shook his head fervently.

"No! I do care about you. I was just saying that it's been a while and I've missed you." I think I'm going to be sick. Did he miss me or the things we do? Maybe he just liked the excitement of screwing me one minute, then getting some from Tanya the next.

"Missed what about me exactly?" I demanded.

"The way you light up a room just by being in it. The gentle sound of your laugh; it's really soothing. The way your eyes sparkle when you talk with such a passion about something. I've missed everything about you, Bella." He said sincerely. See, this is the confusing part. One minute he'll act like a total ass, and the next, he'll be really sweet and romantic. I don't know which side wins out anymore.

"Thank you, Edward." I sniffed. He wiped away the tears under my eyes and kissed me softly.

"Let's have some fun." He smiled. Back to being an ass again. Of course, my body was aching for him, but I heard a small voice in the back of my head nagging me to push him away, leave immediately, and never come back.

My body won out.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pushed me against a wall. He led a trail of hot kisses down the side of my neck. Whimpering, I tilted my head to encourage more of those kisses.

His tongue flicked out and I moaned at the pleasurable feel of the hot, wet, caress slowing trailing down to the tops of my breasts. I lifted my right leg, dragging it over his thigh slowly, earning a throaty groan from him. I hitched it around his hip. He saw what I wanted and slid his skillful hand down my leg seductively before grasping my knee firmly, quickly placing my other leg around him. My ankles locked behind his back and I could already feel what I was doing to him between my legs.

He stumbled awkwardly to his room and kicked the door shut. He placed me on the bed gently, stalking me like his prey. This turned me on even further, if that was possible. He crawled over me on all fours and kissed me with fervor and excitement and passion. His tongue swept across my bottom lip, begging for entrance that I gladly gave him. Our tongues battled for dominance until I finally gave in and he won, causing him to chuckle into the kiss at his easy victory.

I used all my strength to flip us over quickly. My hands made quick work of the pesky buttons on his shirt, revealing his perfectly sculpted chest to me. The shirt was thrown somewhere off the bed as my lips traveled down his rock-hard abs. Every time my lips came in contact with his smooth skin, I felt his stomach muscles clench and then relax. I loved the effect I always had on him. I nipped at the ridges on his stomach every so often, probably leaving marks and I gave his nipples a little tweak just for laughs.

"Minx,"

I smirked against his skin.

My tongue darted out, licking his lower stomach and back up to kiss belly button. My tongue dipped into it, swirling around. I felt the vibrations from his groan travel through his body. My hands slithered to the front of his jeans, brushing against his hard member as I unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. That's when he couldn't take it anymore. He flipped us over and removed the offending clothing to reveal that he wasn't wearing any underwear.

"Going commando there, Eddie?" I teased.

"You know I hate that name." He groaned. "Love, this isn't a fair game. You're much more covered up than I am." His hands slid under my top as he skillfully caressed my breasts, thumbs flicking my sensitive nipples. I moaned and arched into his warm palms. My nipples became hard as I watched him lick his lips while quickly discarding my top. His mouth replaced his hands, kissing the sensitive skin through my flimsy, lace bra. My fingers laced through his soft, bronze hair, pulling it slightly as his mouth continued its merciless teasing.

"Ed-Edwa-Edward!" I yelped when he bit down softly on one of my erect nipples.

"Yes, love?" He chuckled.

"Please," I begged.

"Please...what?" Bastard was lucky he was so pretty; otherwise I would've kicked his ass for making me beg.

"I-I nee-need you, now!" I panted. He traced his tongue around my nipple, purposely getting me even more riled up.

"What is it that you need?" He continued his teasing and removed my bra, fully exposing myself to him.

"You. Inside me right fucking now." I gasped when his mouth went back to sucking on my right breast and his hand massaging the other for a quick beat, then moving away, which caused me to whine in protest. His hands moved slowly down to my skirt, pushing it down to my ankles and I kicked it off quickly. His warm mouth left my breast and he gently blew a gust of cold air across it, making me shudder with pleasure. He kissed down my stomach until his mouth reached the top of my panties.

He kissed me through the drenched panties. "Oh God, you're already _so _wet for me." He growled. With his mouth, he dragged my panties down my legs, revealing my swollen sex to him. My hips bucked when his teeth dragged across my wet pussy. He held the thong to his face and inhaled. His tongue flicked out, licking the entire length of my underwear before throwing it off the bed. He lowered himself down to my wet folds, kissed them gently, causing me to cry out in immense pleasure. His tongue darted in and out off my entrance, my hips bucking with every flick of his oh so talented appendage. His hands were rubbing circles on my inner thighs.

One of his fingers traced up my lips causing my legs to quake and hips buck again, trying to get his face closer. I wrapped my legs around his neck, securing his place down there. The pleasure just got to be too much and the bubble in my stomach burst. I threw my head back into the pillows as my orgasm overpowered me. He licked up every drop as I came into his waiting mouth.

"You taste so _good_, Bella." He grumbled. I unhooked my legs from his neck to let him move. He playfully rubbed and cracked his neck with a grin all sly and his lips glistening from what he had just done.

In other words, fucking amazing.

"I need _all_ of you inside of me." I panted out. He reached over to the bedside table for a condom and slid it on quickly. In the back of my mind I thought about how he really didn't need to bother with that, but quickly dispelled that in order to preserve my mood.

He entered me slowly, his body trembling; I knew he wanted to go faster. My legs wrapped around him, pushing him deeper inside me. We moaned together at the sensation of being so intimately wrapped up with each other. He started thrusting into me earnestly, my hips meeting his every thrust, and my heels digging into his lower back to urge him to move faster and harder and…and...

"Oh... yes, Edward..." I moaned. "Fuck, faster!" He quickened the pace. I was so close that he could sneeze in my face and I would still probably explode in post coital bliss. He leaned his head into the crook of my neck, placing rough kisses, biting gently as well, as his hips rocked against mine

"Fuck, Bella. You're so... fucking... God" He panted out. I screamed as I came, waves of pleasure rolling through my body; my legs twitched from the overwhelming sensations. His thrusts became faster and I knew he was close to losing it, too.

"Cum for me, Edward." I whispered. With that, he lost it and exploded into me. He collapsed next to me after he pulled out and brought me flush against his body, kissing all over my neck and face. He got out of the bed to get rid of the condom and brought me back into his embrace once he returned.

"Mmmm. I love you, Bella." He whispered in a post coital Zen, nuzzling my neck.

"I love you, too." I let my hands travel up and down his stomach slowly, stopping to pull teasingly on the light dusting of hair on his lower abdomen.

"Bella," Edward warned, stilling my hands' motions. "Don't start something you can't finish."

"Who said I was finished?" I straddled his stomach, rubbing my renewed arousal all over him. He groaned and his hands clenched down on my hips, keeping me still, but still on him. My hands ran over his chest and plunged deep into his silky hair. I could already feel him poking my back.

"What do you want, Edward?" I whispered above his mouth. I positioned myself so that we were lined up and ready.

"This." He grunted and pulled me down, going deep inside of me. I moaned and clutched his shoulders for support, my head falling forward. He moved me slowly up and down on his hard shaft; a considerable contrast to the hard and fast tempo we had going before. My shaky arms unlocked and I fell forward onto his chest. My face was buried in his neck and he was kissing anywhere that was close to his mouth.

"Uhhh...Harder, Edward," I whispered breathlessly into his ear. I tilted my hips a fraction of an inch until he hit my sweet spot. Passion bubbled through me; my finger nails dug into his shoulder as I moved faster on him. His hand snaked between us and sensually massaged my clit.

I bit down on his shoulder hard enough to force his hands to stroke me faster. "That's it, baby," he grunted.

It was too much; I couldn't hold onto it any longer and my whole body shook when we came together, violently.

"Wow." I breathed, curling into his side.

"That doesn't even begin to cover it, Bella." He panted. Maybe now that he was all high from sex I could tell him. I sighed, it was now or never. I couldn't keep it off any longer; we needed to make plans.

I mustered up what little courage I could and dived on in. "Edward?" I asked cautiously.

"Yes, Love?"

"Did you ever think about having a... child?" I inquired so softly that I didn't even think he heard me. He did. He tensed slightly and moved a little ways away from me. This isn't good...

"Wh-Why?" He stuttered, eyes wide.

"Because...I'm having one." There. I said it. I expected a lot of reactions, but not this one. His hand pulled my chin up roughly so that I had to look at him.

"What did you say?" He hissed. I flinched back at the acidic tone.

"I'm pregnant." I whispered. His hand dropped and he sat up sharply.

"It's not mine." He said coldly. Is he crazy! He knows he's the only guy I've ever slept with. I bet he would be _so _excited if it was his precious_ Tanya _that was carrying his child.

"Of course it is, Edward! Who else could have gotten me pregnant?" I screeched. He got out of the bed and bent down to retrieve his clothes, quickly slipping them back on.

"I don't know. Maybe _Jacob, _you two seemed pretty..._close_ at that party last Saturday. I just know it can't be mine." Angry tears spilled over my cheeks. _Jacob? _I hadn't even seen Jake for years _and _he was with Leah.

"That's crazy! You're the only one I've been with! It's yours, I know it is!" He just shook his head and threw my clothes next to me on the bed.

"Just go." He spat.

**...**

Of course, after he had time to 'calm down', my cell and house phone had been ringing off the hook because of him. I was stupid enough to pick up after about two days. It was Friday, so Tanya was probably at the airport about to get on the plane to New York where that business thing is this weekend.

"Ughh! What do you want, Edward?" I yelled as soon as I picked up my screeching cell phone.

"I wanted to apologize for what happened." He said in a low voice.

"Oh, the fact that I'm pregnant or how you don't believe it's yours?" I spat.

"Did you even see a doctor yet? You might not even be pregnant." He asked in an equally icy tone. That hit me hard. No, I actually hadn't, in fact, gone to a doctor yet. There was still a chance that I wasn't pregnant. I didn't know whether to be ecstatic or sad.

"No," I whispered. I couldn't almost see the smug fucking smile on his face when I told him that.

"Then, maybe you should go see one before we talk about this any more." Where the hell was the man I fell in love with? Where was _my_ Edward? I expected him to be shocked and maybe a little angry, but not this.

"Yeah, that'll make this situation a whole lot better. Now I know that I'm not as important to you as I thought... Or as you always tell me." My voice rose with anger.

"Bella, I don't want to fight right now. I love-"

"Eddie," I heard Tanya whine in the background, "get off the phone, so we can say goodbye the right way." _Funny._ I thought she had a business meeting this weekend. Wouldn't want her to be late.

"Oh, nice, Edward-" All I could hear was the dial tone. That _bastard _hung up on me!

Oh yeah, he was definitely back to being a_ huge_ ass.

Only this time, I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. No more falling for his stupid charm and forgiving him for all the hurt he's caused me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Bella's P.O.V.**

"_Relax, Bells." Alice said soothingly. We were sitting in a hospital room, waiting for Dr. Henderson to bring in the results._

"_How can I relax?" I snapped._

"_Just because you took home pregnancy tests doesn't mean that you're pregnant. Those things are usually totally useless most of the time." She placed a tiny arm around my shoulders and nestled herself closer to me._

"_Alice... what happens if I am pregnant? There's no way I can stay here." I whimpered._

"_Of course you can stay here! Even though my idiotic brother might not be here for you, I will, and so will Jasper." She whispered furiously. At the mention of Edward's name, my head ached even more than before._

"_I love you and all, Alice... But there's no way that I can stay in town, carry his child with him off being with Tanya." _

"_That's only_ if_ you're pregnant. You know what they say... Wishful thinking and what not."_

"_Wishful thinking isn't going to help this hellish situation."_

"_Miss Swan, the results are in." Dr. Henderson said as she reappeared in the doorway to the room. My heart dropped to my stomach as a cold sweat broke out all over my overheated body._

"_And?" I urged impatiently. Alice placed a comforting hand on my knee. It was also a warning to remain calm._

"_Congratulations are in order, I suppose. The results are positive; you're pregnant." Dr. Henderson was oblivious to the terrible web of lies and deception my life had become as she smiled cheerily. Blame it on the hormones, but I felt the urge to slap that smile off her face. She glided back out of the room in an instant after writing up a script for prenatal vitamins and leaving us with some more information._

"_No, no, no." I whispered, tears forming in my eyes._

"_Bells, you'll get through this. I'll help you; I don't want to see this destroy you." Alice managed to squeak out._

_There was no way that I could stay here. What would happen to me in this small town? So many vicious rumors would be spread about me, probably calling me a whore to have gotten pregnant without a husband to show. It made me want to laugh at how old-fashioned Forks is. If only they knew the truth behind this so-called 'miracle of life'._

_I knew I had to leave. I couldn't face Edward and his happiness with Tanya as I sat there growing larger and larger with his child growing inside of me. There couldn't be a more masochistic way to live my life than that._

**...**

That appointment was almost three weeks ago and I still hadn't changed my decision. I was leaving. My stomach was already starting to grow, though you couldn't exactly notice it unless I wore my more form-fitting clothes, which I didn't.

Calls from Edward were becoming less frequent than before. Only about once or twice a week at most did either of my phones ring because of him. Alice, on the other hand, was another story entirely. She called at least ten times a day, trying to convince me to stay. Her attempts were purely in vain. My bags were packed, I had confirmation that I could move to my company's office in New York, my house was sold, and I already had an apartment for me there.

And I was leaving.

Well, not so much leaving, more like running away. I was coward, not willing to face the mess I had created, with Edward's help. It really was better this way, for everyone involved in the situation. I would leave and hopefully move on with my life, taking my little piece of Edward with me, and Edward could live his life with no more interference from me.

After putting the last of my carry-on bags in my car, I went back inside to make sure I hadn't left anything. All of the rooms in my home held memories of the times Edward and I had shared. Thinking back, the love I held for him seemed to always be one-sided.

Were all of those whispered words of affection and gentle caresses just ploys to get into my pants? Probably. My house was completely empty, meaning that it was time to leave the town that I had called my home for years. I had already said my farewells to all of my family and friends except Edward. It would be easier for me if I didn't see him one last time. I knew that if I gazed into those beautiful eyes, all plans of leaving would fly out the window.

Sighing, I locked the front door to my house and made my way over to my beat-up old truck. I smiled to myself, remembering how everyone loved to make fun of the old thing, claiming it was going to just up and die someday soon. I loved it just the same.

"Crap." I muttered when I dropped my car keys. As I bent down to retrieve them, a pale hand shot out incredibly fast in front of my eyes to grab my keys. My blood ran cold; I knew that hand all too well.

Shitshitshit. I drew myself up to my full height, but didn't dare look him in the face.

"So, when were you going to plan on telling me about all of this?" Edward asked icily, waving his hands from me to the truck and finally, my empty home.

"It doesn't matter." I said quietly, still looking down at my hands. How had I not seen him before? Am I really that oblivious? How had he found out...who told him?

"Doesn't matter?" He muttered angrily. He seized my face, forcing me to look into his enraged eyes.

"This is all for the best, Edward." I whispered.

"How?" I was shocked to see pain flash in his eyes.

"It... It just is, okay?" I groaned.

"Cut the crap already, Bella." He seethed. "Did you see a doctor yet?" His growing anger was really starting to frighten me. Not that Edward would ever hurt me or anything, but still, he had never been this menacing before.

"Yes." I said.

"And? Is this pregnancy for real?" He questioned. I contemplated whether or not I should tell him. Maybe it would be better if I didn't. To me, I didn't think he deserved to have a say anymore after that stunt he pulled; kicking me out right after sex. Right after I told him.

"No." I lied. His shoulders sagged and he pulled me to his chest, an embrace almost too inviting to decline. But I had to. I struggled against his grasp, but he only held me tighter. Even though I knew this baby would be a heavy burden, it still hurt that he was happy about me not being pregnant.

"Please. Bella, please don't leave. I need you in my life. I promise everything is going to work out, just give it time." He whispered into my ear. His hold on me loosened and I used that to my advantage, pushing him away from me angrily and taking two giant steps back.

"That's what you've been saying for years! But you just can't seem to have the desire to leave the woman you've claimed you didn't love at all. We both know that you don't love me. And we certainly both know that you were never going to leave Tanya for me. No matter how many times you told me you would." I yelled angrily to his shocked face.

"Bella, I do love you. Isn't that enough?"

"It might be...if you actually meant it." I laughed bitterly.

"Please, don't go! Bella, I love you more than anything...more than _anyone_." He corrected himself. Looking at him and seeing him look so hurt and pained made my resolve waver. Only for a second.

"I have to." I made a move to get into my car but he blocked my path.

"Where does this leave us, Bella?" He whispered. I reached out to touch his cheek softly. His eyes closed as he leaned into my hand. It broke my heart to leave, but I couldn't bear to be here anymore.

"You'll always be a great memory." I murmured, hastily climbing into my truck before he could react.

As I backed out of my driveway, I saw him turn to me once more and shake his head slowly, begging me one last time not to leave. I drove away without a second glance at him as I let the tears I had been holding in for days fall gently down my face.

He would always be more than a great memory. Edward would forever be etched in my heart and mind.

I had been right to not want to see him a last time before leaving. Seeing him so torn up made me want to comfort him, tell him that I loved him and would stay for him.

I couldn't.

Sure, my friends would miss me, but they had their own lives to live and I had mine. I most definitely wasn't going to live mine pining for a man that I could never have.

Especially not with his child that I would have to raise alone. At least in New York I could have the hope that I would be able to move on and find someone who would return the love I gave. Not having to hide and avoid the object of my affections on a daily basis.

My ringing phone brought me out of my thoughts. I looked down at the caller I.D. Alice.

"Hello?" I answered glumly.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have told him! I just thought that you had left already! I didn't know that he would track you down. I'm sorry." Alice blubbered.

_Alice_ told Edward about me leaving!

"What? How could you tell him, Alice! I told you that I didn't want him to know at all!" I screeched.

"I know you did. It just kind of slipped out yesterday. Please, please, please don't be mad at me." She begged.

"Calm down, pixie girl. I'm not mad at you. A little annoyed, yes, but not mad. At least now we both have closure." I sighed. I heard Alice let out a sigh of relief.

"Phew. But I really am sorry; I didn't mean to tell him until after you left." I turned into the driveway at my father's house. I had to leave my truck with him; it was of no use to me in New York.

"Okay Alice, I'm at Charlie's, so I'm going to have to call you back later. Love you."

"Love you too, Bella. Call me as soon as your flight lands!" She sang. I threw my phone back into my purse and grabbed my bags, heading for Charlie's front door.

"Well, time to leave already, huh?" Charlie said gruffly after opening the door.

"Ahh dad, don't be like that. I was bound to leave sometime." I soothed.

"Preferably after you were forty." He muttered. Laughing, I handed him the keys to my truck.

"Take care of the senior citizen, Dad." I said as we climbed into his cruiser.

"Yeah, yeah."

**...**

"_Flight 673 to New York is now boarding." _The intercom crackled above our heads.

"I guess this is it, huh Bells?" My dad asked quietly. He pulled me in for one last hug, and I planted a small kiss on the top of his head.

"I promise to call often, and expect me over for all the major holidays." I whispered, pulling away from him.

I gathered up my bags and with one last wave to Charlie, made my way over to the gate.

Walking over the threshold, I felt an odd sense of relief to be leaving Forks. Everything seemed sharper with a new clarity that I hadn't been used to.

I felt free.

_To live and not to breathe  
Is to die in tragedy  
To run, to run away  
To find what you believe  
And I leave behind  
This hurricane of fucking lies  
I lost my faith to this  
This town that don't exist_

_So I run  
I run away  
To the light of masochist  
And I leave behind  
This hurricane of fucking lies  
And I walked this line  
A million and one fucking times  
But not this time_

_I don't feel any shame  
I won't apologize_

_When there ain't nowhere you can go  
Running away from pain  
When you've been victimized  
Tales from another broken home_

_You're leaving...  
You're leaving...  
You're leaving...  
Ah you're leaving home.._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Bella's P.O.V.**

Luck must be something that I absolutely do not have.

Upon getting off the plane today, my luggage was lost and I wouldn't be able to get it for two to three business days. Then, some woman who was in a major hurry spilled her frozen smoothie on the front of my shirt so that I had to go and change into one of the blouses that Alice had packed into my carry-on, which wasn't modest. At all.

And now, I was on the phone with the one person that I really didn't want to talk to ever again in my entire lifetime.

Stupid me, falling for his little trick. I had been ignoring his calls ever since my foot stepped into the airport. After a while, they stopped and I figured that Edward had finally given up. Nope. He came up with another solution. The call came from Rose's phone, so I thought no harm could come from it. Boy was I wrong.

"Calm down, Bella. You know why I had to call." Edward said gently into the phone. It was like a slap in the face to have to talk to him again. I wondered why he even had Rose's phone in the first place.

"Frankly, I don't know why. I moved for a reason, Edward. You want that reason? Go look in a mirror." I spat at him.

"You didn't have to move all the way across the country just to avoid me you know." He said, the pain evident in his voice.

"It was necessary. You've hurt me so much these past few years. How can I make this absolutely clear for you? I don't want you to call me; I don't want to talk to you anymore. What we _had_ is in the past, Edward. We have to move on with our lives." I clicked end as swiftly as I could, before he could add anything. Most of the despair that I felt had dissolved into pure, seething rage. I wanted Edward to hurt as much as I did. Call me sadistic, but he definitely deserved to be in pain.

I tried my hardest to flag down a taxi, but it just wasn't working out for me. Being in a big city, let alone New York, was very different than living in a small town.

"First timer, eh?" I heard an amused voice ask from behind me. Great. Just what I need; another asshole. As I was about to turn around and say something to him, he let out a sharp whistle right next to my ear.

"Ow!" I yelled, while rubbing my ear.

"Oh, shit, I'm sorry. I was just trying to help you out." I turned around to get a good look at him. Let's just say that I wasn't disappointed. To say that this man was handsome would be an insult; he was right up there with _him_. He had straight, but messy, jet black hair with piercing hazel eyes. All of his features were perfectly symmetrical and angular and his skin was almost as pale as mine. The pain in my ear had subsided and I was happy to see that his whistle was successful; a yellow taxi was waiting right in front of me.

"I'm fine and thank you, by the way." I said.

"No problem, I was taught to always help a lady in need. Especially one as beautiful as you. I'm Craig." He replied, extending his arm out for a handshake. He had a firm, yet gentle grip and the motions caused the sleeve of his dress shirt to ride up, showing me a sliver of a blue star tattoo. I always did have a thing for tattoos.

"Bella Swan." I told him, blushing at his praise. As soon as I said my name, his face held the most peculiar expression.

He released my hand and I reached down to retrieve my luggage, but he wasn't having that. He picked up both bags and walked over to the waiting taxi.

"I could have carried that myself, you know." I pouted like a five year old.

"Probably, but I wouldn't be a gentleman if I let you." He replied, opening the trunk and placing both of my bags inside gingerly. Craig came back and opened the door for me to get in.

"It's totally irrational, but I feel like I stole your taxi." I confided to him, slightly embarrassed.

"Nonsense, it was my pleasure."

"Where are you headed?" I asked casually.

"Universal Publishing House. Why?" He said with a small smile lighting up his face.

"Hey! I start there on Monday!" I called out excitedly, and then chastised myself for acting so childish. The smile on his face grew tenfold.

"Oh, I know." He answered slyly. He knew? How did he know where I was going to work?

"H-how do you know that?" I asked, inching towards the cab. Okay, I wasn't scared of Craig, but come on! It was really weird that he knew where my job was.

"I think this will explain it better." He replied coolly, taking out a small business card from the pocket of his slacks. The card was sleek, black with silver print.

_Craig Williams_

_Head of Editing_

_Universal Publishing House_

"I'm so sorry! I thought you were some kind of stalker or something. Sorry." I blushed. Hmm, again with the bad luck! What a great first impression on my new boss!

"Never gotten that from a woman before." He laughed.

"There's a first time for everything, I guess." I said nervously.

"Well, I should let you go. You probably have some unpacking to do. It was nice meeting you, Bella, can't wait to see you Monday." He smiled

"Nice to meet you, too, Craig." I replied before sliding into the taxi.

Maybe my luck was looking up, having Craig as a boss might not be so bad; he seemed nice enough. In that whole conversation I had almost completely forgotten about Edward. It was nice to have such a gentleman around, instead of an asshole.

Oh, but who am I kidding? Nobody would ever want me. I was broken, hurt, and pregnant. I doubt that anyone would want to even touch me with a ten foot pole thanks to my overwhelming problems.

But, I didn't come here to wallow in self pity. I came here to start fresh and live a life that I could be proud of. Unfortunately, I knew that no matter how hard I tried, there was no way that I could ever stop loving Edward, no way to escape the pain.

**Edward's P.O.V.**

"_It was necessary. You've hurt me so much these past few years. How can I make this absolutely clear for you? I don't want you to call me; I don't want to talk to you anymore. What we _had_ is in the past, Edward. We have to move on with our lives."_

I played that last bit of information over and over again in my head. Had I truly hurt her to the point of no return? After so many times I had told her of my unchanging love, she still didn't believe me, why?

_Maybe because you're a complete fuck-up. All those times you told her you would leave Tanya were lies. _My mind taunted me.

I never meant to hurt her, I was just so confused. I knew that I loved Bella, but it would seem that at some points that I still loved Tanya. I knew that it would cause a disaster, but I didn't care. I kept both of them. I was a selfish moron and that may have just cost me the most important person in my life.

Every time I thought of leaving Tanya, I would ask myself if it was really worth it. I kept thinking that I didn't know. I know now, too bad it's too late for me to do anything about it.

So here I am, sitting alone in the family room at my parent's house. Tanya was running late from work and I had come early to help my parents get ready for the weekly dinner we used to keep in touch with each others lives.

"Edward?" My mother, Esme, asked from across the room. "I think we should talk about what happened." She said softly, taking the seat next to me on the couch.

"There's nothing to talk about, mom. I'm fine." I said through clenched teeth. She merely shook her head before she spoke again.

"I didn't mean that and you know it. How could you do this to poor Bella? And Tanya for that matter?" She asked with anger laced in the words. I had a feeling that Alice would tell everyone, just not this soon. At the mention of Bella's name, I felt a strong, white-hot flash of something hit my stomach. I never felt something that close to physical pain before and I didn't particularly want to feel it again.

"How could _I _do this to _Bella_? Mom! She's the one that left, not me!" I hissed with malice.

"With good reason! Honestly, I thought I raised you better than this. I thought your father and I taught you to be a gentleman and to have respect for women." she said, causing me to groan. Hurting Bella meant hurting my whole family. I could see tears forming in my mother's eyes and I cursed myself for causing them.

"You did, mom." I whispered, not able to look her in the eyes for a second longer.

"Obviously not! I don't see how you could go about continually hurting Bella day after day. Enough so that she had to move away from her home all the way across the country, just to be away from you! Why do you even stay with Tanya? We can all see that she doesn't make you as happy as you could be. Is she really worth hurting the one girl who truly loves you? Besides, if what we taught you was effective, you wouldn't have went behind your wife's' back." Esme cried out, exasperated.

"I don't know, okay?" _Lie._ I knew that Tanya wasn't worth hurting Bella.

"No. Not _okay_. This won't ever be _okay._" Esme whispered before rising from the chair and marching out of the room. From here, I saw the tears rolling gently down her anguished face.

How fucked up in the head was I? I ran my hands through my already disheveled hair in frustration. I knew that right then and there, that I had just lost any trace I had left of my mother's respect. I probably lost everyone else's respect too. Hell, _I _didn't even respect myself anymore, I didn't deserve it.

Groaning, I got up and left the room, making my way to the front door. Maybe I could go and clear my head in the meadow just on the outskirts of the property. As soon as I got out of the house, walking along the driveway, Tanya's car pulled up.

"Hey baby, where are you going?" Tanya questioned once she climbed out of the car. I brushed past her in a hurry, not really wanting to deal with her at the moment.

"Just getting some fresh air." I called over my shoulder. I knew that I would get a long rant from her later on when we got home, but I didn't care. I just needed to get away from everyone.

"Oh, Okay. Just make sure to back before dinner." She said in cautious tone.

"_Where does this leave us, Bella?"_

"_You'll always be a great memory."_

Why did I have to chase her away? Now I was only granted to be a distant memory in her life, most likely to be forgotten within days. To be totally honest, I had really hoped she wasn't pregnant, but when I had actually found out that she wasn't, I felt oddly...empty. A child would only cause more trouble, but I couldn't help but imagine a beautiful young boy or girl that I could hold in my arms, knowing that it was Bella who had helped me create something so wonderful. I imagined two or three young children running and laughing as Bella and I watched them grow up before our eyes. I imagined the marriage that I had promised Bella, the one that I was always trying to delay. If I hadn't, would we be in this mess right now?

I saw a child with a mixture between bronze and mahogany hair and deep chocolate colored eyes with flecks of emerald in them. Porcelain skin that was soft to the touch.

Just like Bella's.

Eventually, I made it to the meadow. I always come here when I have any emotional issues or to just think. Sitting down in the lush, green grass, I looked around the very familiar setting. Since it was fall, the leaves were changing, soon to drift to the ground. It brought me back to the first time that I had showed anyone my secret place.

September of two years ago. Bella and I had been _seeing_ each other for little over a year then. She was the only person that I felt secure enough with to bring here. I chuckled to myself, remembering how she had twirled about all over the meadow, causing her to fall right into my arms. That's when I knew I loved her, as soon as I looked into those sparkling, dark eyes that showed how much she loved me.

Why had I been so stupid as to let that love go?


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Bella's P.O.V.**

September 26th.

This meaning that I was roughly three months pregnant. It's actually quite interesting to me, how I don't even know the little person growing inside of me, yet I would do anything for the baby and I loved him or her with all of my heart.

That still didn't stop how horrible this first trimester has been. I really wanted to punch the person who started the whole theory about how pregnancy was a beautiful and amazing thing. Ha! It isn't like a fairytale, unless you think that yakking your brains out at four in the morning was a beautiful thing.

Every time I passed a restaurant or store, all I thought about was food. I craved the most ridiculous combinations, too. It didn't matter though, no matter what I ate, it always ended up coming back out in a matter of hours. Not to mention that I had started to sweat a whole lot more now.

But I did have to admit that the pregnancy had given my skin a fantastic glow.

Sighing, I heaved myself out of bed, placing my hands gently on my now bigger tummy. As I looked in mirror, I actually liked what I saw. My eyes shone brightly in the soft lights, my hair looking silky and smooth, and of course, my skin was glowing.

I turned to the side as I lifted up my shirt, exposing my protruding stomach. It was very easy to know that I was pregnant now. At work I heard the nasty remarks circulated by the nosy assistants. They didn't bother me as much as I had anticipated.

Craig and I had become fast friends. We both had practically the exact same interests in just about everything. He was really warm and understanding about the situation I was in. I had yet to tell him anything about Edward though - he only knew that I was going to be a single parent. We weren't so close that I felt safe enough to tell him everything. Even so, I could still feel the connection we had and the attraction I felt for him.

I stepped into the shower and began getting ready for work.

**...**

"Hey, Bella!" Angela called out from behind her monitor with a small wave as I stepped off of the elevator.

"Hi, Angela, still working on that _Times_ article?" I asked. Even though she was an editor, her true passion was to become a journalist and she had finally been given that opportunity, for which I was really happy, because she deserved it.

"Sadly, yes. It's taking forever." She groaned.

"I could always help you out sometime after I get off or something. Just let me know." I said.

My office was located all the way down the hall right next to Craig's. One hand holding my bottled water, the other holding my delicious king-sized Snickers bar, I walked slowly until I reached the door to my office. Of course being me, I tried juggling both things in one hand_ and _opening the door. I ended up dropping my chocolate.

Before I picked it up, Craig came out of nowhere and got it himself. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"The feast?" He snickered.

"Ha-ha, give it back or you'll have to deal with my hormones." I huffed, reaching out for_ my_ chocolate goodness.

"Oh no!" He feigned fear. My hand was _this close_ to getting back the Snickers, but he held it high above his head, ignoring my protesting hands.

"Come on, give it back." I whined, still trying in vain to obtain my stolen candy. I felt like a child, but I didn't care. I just wanted my damn candy bar.

"On one condition." He smiled sweetly.

"And that would be...?" I questioned, not entirely trusting his expression or tone of voice.

"A date." I felt my face harden at the mention of that word. Even though it had been months since Edward, I didn't trust myself enough to date yet.

"Just one. Not even a date, more like... a casual meeting between good friends." He backtracked, clearly noticing my tense posture.

"I-I don't know." I stuttered.

"Oh, okay." He said with a sunken expression. Shit. Now I hurt him, one of the two people who didn't judge me here.

"I mean, I would love to. It's just that I have some... issues, and you don't deserve to have to deal with them." I bit my lip nervously.

"Well, aside from the obvious. Any jail time or...fatal illnesses?" He questioned.

"Not that I know of." I tried to force a smile.

"How about anger issues?" He pressed. I didn't understand why he was asking me all of these random questions.

"I will if you don't give me back my candy." I joked, trying to rid the hall of the now tense atmosphere.

"Hmmm, let's see. Crazy family?" _Close._

"Nope." I said, popping the 'P'.

"Well, all other issues seem rather trivial to me. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. All I'm asking is for a date, well, casual meeting if you will." He asked one last time.

Would going on a date really be that bad? No. At least not with Craig. Plus, he said it didn't even have to be a date, so no pressure right? I came here to get over Edward and I was never going to accomplish that if I didn't get out more.

"Pick me up at seven." His answering smile was truly magnificent and I knew that I had made the right choice.

"Great! I know just the place!" He said, opening the door to his office.

Hello, wasn't he forgetting something?

"Umm Craig, my candy remember?"

"Look on your desk." He replied as he shut his office door.

There, lying on my desk was a box of Godiva chocolate. I didn't know if it was the cravings talking or what, but this man was amazing.

**Edward's P.O.V. -Two weeks later-**

"Mmm, Edward." Tanya moaned while I kissed the hollow beneath her ear. Ever since that day in the meadow, our physical relationship had increased dramatically. Sex was really just a pain reliever for me. It helped me numb my mind, so I didn't have to deal with the reality that caused my chest to tighten when I thought about it.

Sex was meaningless to me unless it was Bella that I could share it with. It was just a mask used to cover up my emotions and make me feel less empty.

Pulling her onto my lap, I opened my eyes a little. Instead of seeing strawberry curls, I saw a halo of dark hair framing the face of an angel. Instead of Tanya's manicured hands running across my chest, I felt Bella's warm hands drifting about. These past weeks, Bella was the only thing I saw, heard, or thought about. She would be everywhere I went, haunting me.

I felt her warm hand slip into my jeans.

"That feels so good, Bella." I groaned. I didn't realize exactly what I had said until I felt Tanya stiffen on top of me. Oh shit. How could I have done that?

"What did you just say?" She hissed.

"That it felt good?" I answered, braced for her anger.

"You. Called. Me. By. That. Whore's. Name!" She screeched, her left hand landing a stinging slap across my cheek.

"She isn't a whore, Tanya. Don't ever call her that again." I seethed, pushing her off of my lap so I could stand. I left the room with her hot on my trail.

"The hell she isn't! I saw the way she would always look at you. I knew that she was in love with you, just waiting for her chance to sleep with you. Fucking slut!" She snarled, her face contorting in rage.

_Was in love with you. _God, I hated the past tense.

"Don't call her that." I repeated.

"Why not? It's the truth." She said with a fierce expression. "Honestly Edward, why are you so hung up on that insignificant girl?" She questioned bitterly.

"She was my best friend." I answered lamely.

_Actually, she was much, much more than that._

"Jasper and Emmett are your best friends, but you didn't call their names out, did you?" She arched an eyebrow.

"I just miss her." I whispered, looking down at the floor.

"Whatever." She scoffed.

"Oh, what, now I can't miss my friend that moved all the way to New York?" My eyes flashed back up to her face in anger.

"Not. Her." She said through clenched teeth.

"Grow up." I muttered.

I turned on my heel, walking toward the front door.

"Don't you dare leave." Tanya growled from behind me. I shrugged and took the keys from the hanger.

"Watch me."

**...**

Sitting in a guest room at my parent's house, I thought about everything that happened in just two months. Would my life be better if it was Bella that wore my wedding ring? _Yes._ Instead, I was going through the seven messages Tanya had left on my phone to apologize, practically begging me to come home. I was such a sorry excuse for a man.

I hadn't cried since I was a child, but yet here I am, trails of dry tears on both cheeks and a runny nose. Remembering all the times I saw Bella's pained expression whenever I was with Tanya in front of her. How could I have not seen what I was doing to her? It probably broke her up inside having to see the man she loved with another woman. But did I care? Nope. I just kept on hurting her time and time again until she decided enough was enough.

I had nobody else to blame but me.

I faintly heard a phone ringing from somewhere downstairs; I was going to ignore it until I heard my pixie-like sister screech out a word that immediately caught my interest.

"Bella!" I heard Alice's voice call out; muffled by the barrier we had between us.

Quietly, I picked up the receiver in my room, covering the bottom with my hand so neither person could hear me.

"Alice! I've missed you so much. I'm sorry I don't call as often." I felt my chest constrict when I heard Bella's tinkling soprano voice filter through the phone. I wished with all my heart that it was_ me _she wanted to call often.

I didn't know that I could actually miss the sound of a voice until now. God, how I have missed hearing Bella talk.

"Nonsense. I know things are busy. Speaking of which... How's Craig?" Alice giggled into the phone. Who the fuck was _Craig_? I had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself.

"Wonderful." Bella sighed. "He's simply amazing." It felt like my heart broke when she spoke those words. I was right, she did forget about me. But this Craig guy probably deserved Bella's love more than I do. Gently, fresh tears rolled from my eyes. She deserved to be treated like the angel she was and I was truly a monster for treating her otherwise.

"I'm so happy for you!" My sister yelled happily. No matter how masochistic this conversation was for me, I couldn't get myself to put the phone down.

"Mmm, he's someone I can see myself falling in love with down the road. He's just so nice to me all the time. He is a really good friend." Bella said with a warm voice. _Love?_ I'm sure that my face was frozen. Surely I couldn't have heard her right, I mean love?. The phone flew from hand, hitting the far wall across from my bed.

The sound echoed in my head. This must be what heartbreak feels like. No wonder Bella had to leave, this pain was unbearable. I felt shallow gasps escape my lips as the tears fell harder down my face. I tried to tell myself that if she was happy, I was happy.

Try as I might, I couldn't lie to myself, the only way I could see myself being happy, is if Bella was here in my arms.

_Thought I ran into you down on the street,  
Then it turned out to only be a dream,  
I made a point to burn all of the photographs,  
She went away and then I took a different path,  
I remember the face, but I can't recall the name,  
Now I wonder how whatsername has been..._

_Seems that she disappeared without a trace,  
Did she ever marry old whatshisface,  
I made a point to burn all of the photographs,  
She went away and then I took a different path,  
I remember the face, but I can't recall the name,  
Now I wonder how whatsername has been..._

_Remember, whatever,  
It seems like forever ago!  
Remember, whatever,  
It seems like forever ago!  
The regrets are useless,  
In my mind,  
She's in my head,  
I must confess!  
The regrets are useless,  
In my mind,  
She's in my head,  
From so long ago!  
(Go... go... go... go...)  
(Go... go... go... go... go...)_

_And in the darkest night,  
If my memory serves me right,  
I'll never turn back time!  
Forgetting you, but not the time!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Bella's P.O.V.**

"Ahh! Stupid...suitcase." I grumbled. For the past hour or so, I had tried arranging my bag in every possible way, but it still wouldn't zip up. It would be worse if I packed light like I wanted to, because Alice would have my head if I did. I smiled softly to myself, thinking about how, in a few hours, I would be reunited with my hyper best friend.

"Bella, relax." Craig said, coming up behind me. He wrapped his strong arms around my waist, resting his hands gently on top of my stomach. I felt my shoulders sag as I leaned into his tall frame, instantly relaxed from his embrace. He was like Jasper in a way, knowing just how to calm everyone around him.

"I know for a fact that a simple bag isn't making you this stressed." He whispered into my ear. "Calm down, stress isn't good for you in your condition. Besides, the holidays are supposed to be a relaxing time of year."

"It's just... It's going to be hard. The only person who knows about this," I gestured to my stomach. "Is Alice. Everyone is going to be shell-shocked when they see me." There was one person in particular that I knew would be asking questions. It made my stomach churn just thinking about Edward's reaction. He would have found out sooner or later. It looked like it would be sooner than expected.

"Everything is going to be fine. I just hope they like me." He said, placing a soft kiss on my shoulder. I turned around in his arms, gazing into his hazel eyes. I traced his cheek with my fingertips, trying to ease his worries.

"They'll love you, trust me. Just be yourself." I whispered against his lips. His lips were soft and gentle against mine, but it wasn't the same as Edward's kiss. I could try and fool myself into believing that I was over Edward, but that would be an utter lie. My dreams were plagued with thoughts of him and sometimes I would wake up, my face holding dry tears. I felt guilty for subjecting Craig to my problems, but whenever I voiced this concern, he would just shrug it off as nothing.

"You're right. I mean, what's not to love." He joked.

"That's the spirit." I laughed. He let go of me and moved to my suitcase, zipping it up expertly.

"I loosened it up." I rolled my eyes.

"Believe what you want." He shrugged. "I'm a professional at anything travel related."

"Oh you have _such_ low self esteem." I mumbled sarcastically.

"Never said I did." He smiled.

We had been together for about three months. I was bringing him home to meet my dad and spend the holidays in Forks. Don't get me wrong, these past months were great with Craig, they just weren't the same. I didn't feel the same way with him that I did with Edward. It wasn't the same passionate, toe-curling, awe-inspiring love that I had for Edward. It was more of a subtle one, not as apparent or strong, but there nonetheless.

I wondered how Edward would react when he saw me. Would he be angry? Possibly...happy? I guess I would find out once I went to visit the Cullens; there was no way that I could go without seeing Alice for a day longer. That little pixie really grew on me over the years.

Maybe if I was lucky, I could sneak a visit when he wasn't there.

But then again, deep down in my subconscious, did I want to miss seeing him again?

**Edward's P.O.V.**

"Edward? Can you hand me that ornament?" Tanya called from the other side of the gigantic tree that adorned my parent's living room. Ahh, the holiday season. The time of year where families were together and happy and blah, blah, blah. I felt anything but _happy_. My whole family was being cold to me and I didn't blame them. The only person I had left was Tanya, but I kept pushing her away too. Christmas used to be my favorite holiday, I loved the spirit. Right now, I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep until the New Year came. Preferably with a drink of the alcoholic persuasion to numb myself.

"Here." I said gruffly, handing her the small trinket. She placed it on a branch rather roughly and walked back over to where she was right in front of me.

"What's the matter with you?" She hissed, jabbing a finger into my chest.

"What are you talking about, Tanya?" I mumbled.

"You know very well what the hell I'm talking about. What happened to my husband? It's like you've been in an emotional coma these past few months, and don't think I forgot about that name slip either." Her eyes gleamed with new anger.

"I'm _super_, thanks for asking. Oh, it's just wonderful being ostracized by your whole damn family. I love the looks of distaste that I receive from them as soon as I enter a room." I bit back sarcastically.

"I'm sure it's your fault." She muttered. _Oh how right you are, my dear. _I leaned in closer to her, our foreheads almost touching, her eyes growing angrier.

"You don't know a damn thing." I whispered.

I knew what was coming before it happened. Her freshly manicured hand came in contact with my cheek, nails scraping the flesh slightly. I winced and took a couple steps back from her. I felt like a jack ass for talking to her like that; I knew that I must have been hurting her with my behavior these past months, I just couldn't help it. So many emotions ran through me every day, and I used her as an outlet for them. I was a monster. I really didn't understand how she put up with me for this long. She must really love me, which made everything a whole lot worse.

"Bastard." She snapped and turned around abruptly, marching out of the room. I didn't think that I could possibly make any more fucking mistakes, but I guess I was wrong.

"I'm a fucking moron." I groaned, sinking onto the couch in the far left of the room, my head in my hands.

"Ain't that the truth." My head snapped up to see Jasper leaning against the door frame with a grim expression on his face.

"I don't need a lecture." I snapped, instantly regretting it.

"You're right. You need to get your fucking head examined." He shot back, slowly making his way over to where I was currently sitting.

"I know that I screwed up. Atrociously." I said.

"You didn't just hurt Bella in this, man. You're hurting Tanya. You hurt all of us. Do you know how long it took me to see Alice even _smile_ again after Bella left?" He questioned.

"Well-" He cut me off with his hand.

"Rhetorical question." My head returned to my hands.

"You can't hide from this forever, you know," He said. "Tanya's going to find out one way or another, it would be best to hear it from you."

"I'm not hiding." I mumbled, pointedly ignoring the rest of his statement.

"Yeah, and I'm still a virgin." He scoffed.

"Just leave me alone! I know that I pushed away the best thing in my life! I know that I hurt everyone, and I'm paying for it every single day. The guilt's been killing me ever since I saw Bella drive away from Forks... away from _me._" I shot up, walking towards the door.

"I'm going to go see if mom needs some help in the kitchen." I mumbled.

"Cowardly once again, congratulations Edward. Someday you're going to have to make this right and face the news, and that day may be sooner than you think. No more running from your past actions." I heard Jasper mutter as I left. I wondered about the meaning behind his words, what did he mean thatday would come sooner than I think?

I walked aimlessly through the grand house, looking at all of the photos that took a residence on the walls. Smiling faces glared at me from every direction, mocking my failures.

The smell of ham permeated the air, reminding me of how little I had been eating lately, making my stomach grumble loudly. I saw Alice hovering anxiously by the front door, peeking out the window every few seconds, on my way through. I chuckled darkly at the sight. I wished that things were normal so that I could know what was going on and share in the excitement.

"What has you so full of energy?" I asked, curious to see if she would actually talk to me.

"Nothing of _your_ concern." She spat at me, full of venom. I felt a lump form in my throat. Out of the whole family, Alice had always been the closest to me, and now she despised my very being. The thought made me sick to my stomach.

"Look, Ally. I'm sorry; you don't know how sorry I am for everything I've done." I pleaded with her, wanting to induce some form of response from my baby sister.

"Don't call me that anymore." She grumbled in resentment, turning back to the window to continue her search for whatever it was that had her so excited from the get go.

I quickly ducked into the kitchen. I spied my mother in the middle of the room, laying cooking dough on a cookie sheet. I smiled to myself. Seeing her like this brought me back to simpler times, when nobody was hurting because of me. Where I wasn't hated by my own family for very deserving reasons.

It oddly reminded me of the first time that Bella had come over for Christmas, but then again, the simplest of things reminded me of that amazing woman. I thought about the way her green dress had hung so perfectly on her small form and how her eyes danced in the colorful lights. That was when our _relationship_ had just started, fresh and new. It took all of my self control not to just grab her and never let go, even if that meant eliciting the wrath of a very angry wife. Thinking back, I wish that I had done exactly that. Maybe if I had done that, I would be celebrating the holidays with my angel. Instead, I was rotting in my own personal hell, created entirely by myself.

The distant memory brought a sad smile to my face, causing the lump in my throat to grow larger, a promise of tears soon to come.

"Need any help?" I asked, trying to get anyone to have a civil conversation with me. Also, trying to drive away any painful thoughts of Bella.

"Oh no, I'm fine. Thank you though, Edward." She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. It seemed as though everyone hated me, even my own mother. Every child's worst fear; disappointing your parents. _Mission accomplished, Edward. _

Alice's loud squeal of joy resounded through the house, jolting me. That girl has a set of lungs on her. Mechanically, my feet led me back into the foyer where Alice had been bouncing up and down in joy. The sight before me made my head snap around for a double-take.

I didn't totally register the tall, black-haired man standing beside her awkwardly. I did, however, notice the way he had his arm wrapped securely around her waist. This must be Craig. I swore under my breath at the sight of _him_ with her.

It felt like the only person that I saw was the one that I had been deprived of for far too long to even manage. I fought back the urge to scream and cry in joy at the sight of her, standing not three feet away from me. My mind was painfully reminding me of how she was in reaching distance of my all too eager hands that were just itching to caress the silky skin of her blushing cheeks. An image of me, down on my knees, begging her to forgive me, flashed before my eyes. I would gladly do that and so much more for her forgiveness.

My eyes drank her in greedily. The way her hair was shining as it gently waved out and how her face had a perfect golden glow surrounding it. The sheer beauty of her presence was overpowering me. The whole in my heart reappeared, sending pain throughout my whole body. My arms tingled, wanting nothing more than to gather her in my arms and kiss her senseless. All of this paled in comparison to the biggest reason that kept my eyes locked on the woman I loved.

I heard collective gasps from behind me, and a muttered 'whore', from who I was assuming, was Tanya. I forgot about everyone in the room except for Bella and I.

My eyes widened at the sight of her round and very pregnant belly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**Edward's P.O.V.**

_Pregnant? _

It felt like thousands of small bombs were going off in my mind, cutting me off from the outside world. They left me to listen to the thoughts that were streaming through my head at rapid paces, none of which I could make sense of. A faint buzzing in my ears kept me from hearing anything except for my own erratic breathing.

Was this really happening? Was this beautiful and pregnant _Bella_ actually here, in front of me?

Bella was fucking _pregnant_! How could she hide something like this from me for all these months? I know that I had hurt her too many times to count, but shouldn't she have at least told me the truth? If the child was mine, I was going to be in it's life, no doubt about it. Even if she fought me until the end of time, I wouldn't make her take care of our child alone. I wasn't going to be _that_ guy, the one who never knew their own child because they wanted nothing to do with them.

My mind was forming incoherent sentences, all revolving around my love and the baby inside her. Was it mine? Or was it...Craig's? I shuddered at the thought of _him_ touching my Bella in that way. Only, she wasn't _my_ Bella anymore.

I thought back to the conversation Bella and I had had the last time we were together, her telling me she was pregnant. Why had I been such a jerk to her, saying those hurtful things? Because I was scared? Wow, good fucking answer. Was I possibly going to be a..._father_? I looked back at her once more, she locked eyes with me for only about a second before turning her face towards the floor, pink tinting her cheeks. The vision from September came roaring back to me, giving me a look at our imaginary child once again. This time though, the child was real, _very_ real.

"Bella, I-" I spoke out to her, only to be cut off by Tanya.

"Well, well, well. Once a whore, always a whore I guess. You sure do work fast, Bella, it's only been what? A few months?" Tanya spat at Bella, smiling ruefully.

After her little speech, my whole family looked about ready to throw her off of a cliff. I probably would have helped them. Both Alice and Rose took a few slow steps so that they were in front of Bella, seemingly protecting her. I wanted to join them, hold Bella in my arms and whisper reassuring things into her ear. She probably would have punched me if I did. Plus, I could see the smile drop on Craig's face as he took in Tanya, and even me.

"Tanya." I warned. "Shut the fuck up." She just kept on smiling while looking between Bella and I. The look in her eyes was one of suspicion, causing me to freeze in my spot momentarily.

"Oh honey, I don't think you have the right to tell me what to do anymore." She replied to me viciously. I had never felt the urge to hit a woman before, but I did now.

"I do when you act like a bitch to our guest." I spat. I was shocked to hear Alice's laugh lilt through the air. I missed the sound of her laughter all too much. Hell, I missed the sound of all of their laughter.

"Well, it's not like I said anything that's not true." She smirked, causing Alice to go back into killer-mode.

"You know what-"

"Edward?" Hearing my name roll off of Bella's lips caused my head to snap over in her direction. I couldn't read her expression, but I could tell her next words weren't going to be good ones.

"Ye-yes?" I stuttered a little bewildered that she actually talking to me.

"I don't need you to protect me. Let her say whatever she wants, I don't care. Oh, and _we're _not your guests, we're Alice's." She stated in a strong voice, stepping closer into Craig's side. I flinched.

"I wasn't trying-" I tried to reason with her before getting cut off again. Would I ever get a chance to speak to her?

"Enough. We're all very glad to have a visit from you. It's been too long. Why don't you introduce us to this young man, Bella." My father said, the whole family finally coming out of their shock-induced trance. My mother shuffled from foot-to-foot nervously, while Emmett and Jasper wore dark expressions. Rosalie happily turned to face Bella, smiling brightly over what I assumed was her pregnancy. She did always love children.

"Oh! I'm so sorry. Everyone, this is Craig." She said rather quietly as he pulled her closer to him, a protective gesture that made me grit my teeth to keep from reacting violently.

All of my family exchanged pleasantries with _Craig_, his name made me cringe to even think it, welcoming him like he was one of their own while I was stuck watching from the shadows. The son they never had, certainly a better son than me. Tanya and I were the only ones to lurk around the edge; she was eyeing him and Bella critically, as was I. He actually wasn't that bad, he was a good person from the looks of things. That made it all the more harder to want to kick his face in for being with Bella. She deserved someone like him, a person that wouldn't hurt her or take her for granted, only to realize their mistakes much too late.

"Why don't we all go sit in the living room and catch up? You both must be tired from your flight." My mother asked nervously, walking towards the living room.

My legs felt like jello as I moved in the back of our small cluster. Pregnant was the only word floating through my head that I actually paid any attention to. Only a few moments ago, I was wishing that Bella was pregnant with my child, being able to start a family with her. Now faced with the very real possibility of being a father, I was scared shitless. My moods were changing faster by the minute.

With everyone situated in the large room, they all jumped in to ask questions.

How did you meet?

How long have you been together?

Not one person asked about the thing that I _knew_ they truly wanted to ask. The thing that I so desperately wanted to know about.

All things I tried, with no avail, to tune out. I didn't need to know about the man that has Bella's heart. I could have been in his spot right now, instead of dying inside with questions that I couldn't very well ask her in front of my family, Tanya, and Craig. But no, I had to ruin everything.

I twitched nervously, tapping my fingers on my knee, watching Bella the whole time. She looked nervous and uncomfortable and Craig didn't look much better. All of the conversation was tense and seemed forced, uncertain chuckles and dialogue traded back and forth quietly. God! I needed to fucking get her away from here to ask her all the questions running through my mind.

So that's exactly what I did.

Not being able to take it any longer, I jumped up from my seat on the far right of the room, marching up so that I was directly in front of her. I grabbed both of Bella's hands gently, pulling her up into a standing position, careful not to jostle her too much. I didn't care about the sudden silence or how Bella tensed up and a grimace formed on her plump limps.

I needed answers. Now.

I pulled her along behind me, ignoring the small whines of protests coming from the room we that had just vacated. She trudged slowly behind, almost as if she was trying to find any means of escape. She dreaded this conversation; that much I could tell.

"Edward, please, not here." She pleaded. I almost wanted to give her what she wanted, but I couldn't. We needed to have this talk, the one we should have had months ago, before she left.

I stopped once we reached the dining room, holding out a chair for her to sit, trying to make my face impassive. She sank into the chair slowly with little grace, just like always. Good thing to know that some things always stay the same.

"Well?" I questioned my voice deeper than I expected it to be.

"Well what?" She shot back, irritated.

"Hmm, I don't know, maybe the fact that when you left you told me that you weren't pregnant and then you show up here... like that." I said angrily. Bella looked down at her hands, folding them in her lap.

"I was going to tell you." She whispered.

"When? While you're in labor? Or how about seven years after the child was born, would that have worked for you?" I didn't mean to come off so harshly, but I needed these questions answered. I saw her shoulders drop and curl around her in a protective state, making me feel even guiltier.

"It was the best thing to do. Think about it, Edward. There was no way for me to stay here, Tanya would have gotten suspicious and I wasn't going to cause that many problems in your life. I was already becoming a burden to you." She mumbled and I could tell she was close to tears.

I sat down in the chair next to her, trying to grasp one her small hands in mine, but she jerked them back defensively. My hands burned with the desire to comfort her. Knowing that she didn't want me to just made it worse.

"Don't ever say that, Bella. You _were_ never and _will _neverbe a burden to me. You were, and still are, the most important person in my life." I tried to look into her eyes to show her how much I meant it, but she wouldn't look up.

"Please don't say that. You're only making this harder. You have Tanya and I have Craig." She mumbled, more to herself than me.

"I only want _you_. Not Tanya and not anyone else, just you. I know that I screwed up a lot, but please, can't you give me a second chance? A chance to show you that I've always loved you, no matter how stupid my actions were." I pleaded as a few tears spilled out of her sad eyes, sticking to her long, black eyelashes. I closed my eyes, waiting for the rejection that I knew was coming. I knew this wasn't as easy as saying sorry. That one word wouldn't fix all the pain I had brought her over the years.

"It's not a second chance when you've had a hundred of them. That's not how it works. You can't just think that I'll forgive you simply because I'm back in Forks." She whispered.

"I know, I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I just- I need to prove to you that everything I said wasn't a lie." I responded hopelessly.

"I don't know if you can." She whispered, finally meeting my gaze, her eyes in agony. I felt my heart clench just by seeing her in pain.

"I will fight for you, Bella, until I die. And I will be there for this child, even if it isn't mine." I said the last part softer, hoping to evoke an answer to the burning question we hadn't yet addressed.

"It is." She mumbled softly. This time, before she could pull away, I grabbed both of her hands in mine. I ignored her struggles to get them away from me, holding on tighter. I never wanted to let her go again.

"Why? Why did you lie to me? Did you honestly think that I wouldn't help you?" I questioned fiercely.

"If you remember correctly, I _did _tell you before my doctors appointment. Do you remember what your reaction was? You fucking kicked me out of your house right after we had sex!" She said, her voice raising, eyes glowing with hate.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. Ever since then, you have to know how much I've been regretting every bad thing I've ever done to you, ever hurtful action. If you gave me time then-"

"Time? You need more time? I gave you four years of my life, and _you_ need time?" She asked incredulously.

"Bella love, can we please not talk about the past. I wanted to kill myself when you left, I-I was nothing without you. There isn't anything I want more in this world than to have a future with you." I whimpered pitifully.

"It only took me leaving for that epiphany, huh? The past predicts the future, Edward. You're bound to repeat it, and I don't think I could handle another heartache over you. Yes, the baby is yours and yes, I do want you in our child's life. Not in mine, though." She amended, pulling her hands out of mine as her words sunk in.

I leaned back, the dull pain in my chest roaring back into a full-fledged burning. She didn't want me anymore. All of my fears were confirmed as soon as she uttered that last, crushing statement. I never expected her to forgive me, I only held on to the small glimmer of hope that she would, it was what kept me going. Now, the hope was gone.

"How is that even possible? We'll see each other _a lot_ with our child to take care of." I mumbled. She looked away from me quickly before talking again.

"I can't go back to that place, Edward. Do you know how many nights I had to cry myself to sleep because of you? I still do. Yet, I still wish every day that _I_ was Mrs. Edward Cullen." She slowly stood up, moving towards the door. I lurched forward out of my seat, making it over to her in a split second, placing my hands on her hips as she struggled to get away, pulling her into my chest. I relished in the feel of having her in my arms after so long, the smell of freesias coming from her.

"I want that too, so much." I whispered into her. Her shoulders went rigid.

"You always want what you can't have." She muttered, laughing without humor. "Look, we will go through with this pregnancy together, if that's what you want. We'll talk about the details later. But there won't ever be an us again. I-I love Craig." She murmured.

"No you don't. Look me in the eyes and tell me that. Tell me that you don't love me anymore. Tell me that my touch doesn't have an effect on you anymore." I planted a soft kiss on her shoulder, enjoying the feel of her smooth skin on my lips. Her breath caught and she struggled harder as new sobs wracked her body.

"Stop, Edward. Please. Don't you know how much this hurts even being here with you? You know I can't say it, please don't make me." In that instant, I let her go, realizing how much I just hurt her...again. Tears were glistening on her cheeks, deep lines creased her forehead. I wished that I hadn't pushed her, but I didn't regret being able to hold her again.

"I will fight for you." I whispered again.

"I really wish you wouldn't." She muttered, before leaving the room. The ringing came back to my ears, drowning out the snippy conversation that had just started outside of this room as soon as she left.

No matter what consequences, I would give my everything to have Bella in my arms again, marry her, and make a family with her. I needed to find a way to make her see that she was the one I wanted. I knew what I had to do first, something that would hurt an innocent person that didn't need to be hurt. That would only be the first step though.

That would come sooner than I thought; I hadn't noticed the figure looming outside of the dining room, said innocent person who had probably heard our entire conversation.

Tanya finally stepped into the room, her eyes glinting in rage, but glassy, and her face red.

"I heard _everything_." She spat, before fully entering the room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Edward's P.O.V.**

Tanya's face flickered between many emotions; mainly hurt and rage. She shifted from foot to foot, hands clenching into fists before she finally made a move. I heard a hiss escape her lips before she lurched forward.

Right at me.

Mid-lurch, she made the same sound. This time, it was much louder than before. The sound was primal, like she was some sort of hurt animal. It kind of frightened me.

She came running at me; closing the gap swiftly. Her fists pummeled my chest roughly, causing the air to whoosh out of me. She was a lot stronger than she looked; especially when she had fury fueling her actions. Tears rushed out of her eyes and I felt guilt flood my system. I let her hit me mercilessly. I deserved this pain and much more. Yes, I felt immensely guilty for hurting her, no matter how bitchy she could get. But, I also couldn't help but feel some strange form of relief that she had found out. Before I even knew she was outside of the room, I was forming a plan to end our marriage. She deserved to have someone that could give her their whole heart; not a piece of it.

"Four years! We. Were. Only. Married. For. _**Five. Years**_!" Each word accented with a sharp blow. I didn't realize how bad that sounded until it came from my _wife's_ mouth. Shame filled my body as I grabbed her wrists to stop her beating.

"I- I didn't know how to tell you." I mumbled, wincing at how cliché my words sounded.

"Oh, you don't need to tell me a damn thing. I heard enough to know that that little skank is pregnant....with _your _child." She spat at me, landing another solid punch before collapsing in the seat that Bella had previously occupied.

I rubbed my chest gingerly as I spoke again. "It's not like we planned it. I didn't even find out until today." _God_. Just let the earth open up and fucking swallow me whole.

"But you _did _plan _fucking_ her for the majority of our _marriage_. Really, was I that bad in bed that you had to go crawling to her only a _year_ after we said 'I do'? Was I that bad of a wife?" She rubbed the tears away from her eyes, smudging her make-up slightly. My heart tightened upon seeing her broken expression. I cursed myself for causing yet another person pain they didn't deserve.

"It was more than that. And for the record, you're not a bad wife, but like I said before; it was more than that." I sighed, looking away from her in shame. "I-I don't know, we just clicked." I said pathetically.

"Cut the bullshit, you sound like a cheesy Lifetime movie. What does she have that I don't have?" Again, hurt filled her eyes. Her fingers clawed roughly at the oak table, as if she needed to inflict pain on something. I wished she would do it to me. I _needed_ to be hurt. I _needed_ to feel as much as I had caused to everyone.

I breathed in deeply, weighing my response carefully. My mind urged me to tell the truth. I could already see how this would end up, no matter what I said or did, we would be divorced. Like we needed to be. I could at least be fully truthful to her after so many years of lies.

"My heart." I answered truthfully. She choked back a gurgled sob before continuing her interrogation.

"Touching. I hope she fucking shatters it into a million tiny pieces like you did to mine." She said, her voice going up an octave as more tears fell. Her small body shook frighteningly with each harsh sob. I didn't know whether to comfort her or not. My hand hovered over her shoulders before I retracted it back to my side quickly.

"She already has." I muttered. _Just like I did to hers. And yours now too._

"Good." She spat. "Seriously, you have got to be one of the worst husbands of all time. Cheating after only a year; how pathetic. Tell me something that I probably don't want to know." Her puffy blue eyes met mine and I fought the urge to look away; to hide from my actions. "When was the first time you cheated on me, Edward?" Her tone took on curiosity, but still held the burning hatred that I deserved. I was a monster.

"A few weeks after we moved here." I whispered, trying to be as honest as possible.

"Oh! Even better! We move here and you fuck some random chick. Great values you have there, really." She stood up and came back so that she was right up in my face again. Her pointer finger jabbed deep into my chest as I looked into her red-rimmed eyes. I saw the disparity she probably felt upon finding out about my infidelity.

"I want some fucking divorce papers drawn up as soon as these holidays are over. I should suck you dry, bastard. _I_ never cheated on _you_. I know that I'm a huge bitch most of the time, but my feelings were genuine. I did love you. Hell, I still love you. Hearing you talk to her; telling her that you love her and not me, I literally felt like dying. That's how much I fucking loved you." Her face inched closer to mine and twisted into an unreadable expression. I flinched back, afraid of anything she was going to say next. I was a fucking coward.

"Now, I don't even know why I'm saying this, but you do have a major responsibility now. Two, actually. No matter how much I hate Bella the fucking slut face; she's pregnant and it's yours, so....don't make her go through this alone. I know that if it was me, I would _make_ you help me." She sniffed and wiped her eyes again. With one last, and very harsh, punch, she dragged herself over to the door. I didn't even bother to tell her to stop calling Bella those names. I just stood there in shocked silence at her words. I couldn't believe _Tanya _had actually told me to help Bella. Finally, I snapped out of my coma.

"I did love you, Tanya." I murmured. Her shoulders rose and fell sharply with a quiet sob.

"Gotta love that past tense. One more thing, Edward. Rot in hell." She whirled around, picking up a vase from the cabinet. Her wrist flicked quickly, sending the glass object hurtling toward me. I just stood there like a deer caught in headlights. The vase hit me square in the forehead before crashing to the floor; breaking into pieces. Tanya smiled bitterly before leaving the room. I winced when I brushed my finger tips along the shallow gash on my face, bringing back blood when I removed them.

Just then, I noticed which vase in particular she had thrown at me. The antique, 15th century one my father had given my mother on their first anniversary. Her favorite piece.

Esme was going to be furious.

**Bella's P.O.V.**

I left the room in a hurry; needing to get away from Edward before I did something I would regret. God, when he touched me, it ignited the feelings I tried so hard to keep at bay. My skin still tingled from where his hands had been and where his lips had come in contact with my skin. Half of me wanted to scream and run far away. The other half wanted him to keep holding me forever.

"_Bitch._" I froze when I heard that low, familiar voice coming from beside me. There, on the other side of the doorway, was Tanya Cullen.

Fucking perfect.

"Look, Tanya, I-" She scoffed at me before flicking her hair over her shoulder. I winced.

"Save it, beached whale. I've heard enough already." She muttered, slipping into the room. I slapped my forehead.

Aw, fuck. She heard. I actually felt a tad bit sorry for Edward, seeing how he had to deal with her now. _No. Do not feel sorry for Edward Cullen. That will only lead you back to the place that made this mess._

My head spun, knowing that Tanya knew all of our secrets. My legs trembled as I made my way back to the room holding everyone. When I entered the room, everyone just lazily looked over at me; emotions written clearly on their faces.

Shock, pity, anger, and above all else, sadness.

I tried to force a smile at them, but it probably came out as a mangled grimace. My face was just too numb with fearful anxiety. Alice and Rose were the only ones who attempted to return my 'smile'. Emmett and Jasper were no longer in the room and Carlisle and Esme were having a silent conversation with their eyes. _They know too. _Strangely, that didn't bother me.

Craig stood up and was by my side immediately, holding my waist and guiding me over to the couch. He sat down with me securely situated on his lap, stroking my hair comfortingly. I let my body mold into his, trying to fight back more tears. I found solace in his warm embrace but I also found myself yearning for a different person.

Edward.

Craig finally broke the uneasy silence by whispering into my ear soothingly. "Bella, maybe we should just go and see your father for a bit before we go back to the hotel. All of this stress isn't good for you or the baby." I nodded, too out of it to really grasp what he was saying.

"Okay." I answered in a low voice. I barely registered him guiding me back up into a standing position. Alice skipped over to my side at once, pulling me into a fierce hug.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I-I shouldn't have asked you to come while he was here. I should have known he would do something to upset you. God, I'm so damn selfish. I didn't even think about what this would do to you; my best friend." She murmured sadly into my ear. I patted her on the back before detaching myself from her; trying to tell her it was fine. I was fine.

"It's okay, Alice. I'm fine, don't worry about me." I gave her a gentle squeeze before retracting. I showed her a small smile. She appraised me critically, obviously not convinced.

"I think we should be getting a move on. I'm sure Charlie is getting anxious to see us." I said apologetically. I was sorry for leaving so abruptly, but I couldn't be in their house for a moment longer without fully breaking down.

I still loved him; still craved for him. I would probably never stop.

And it was killing me.

"It was nice to see you, dear. And it was nice meeting you, Craig. Will you drop by for another visit before you leave?" Esme questioned warmly. I gave a slight nod before leaning back into Craig's arms.

"Great! We should do dinner some time. Tell Charlie we all said hello. Heaven knows the last time we saw that man." She rattled off, obviously trying to ease some tension. I gave her a knowing glance and she smiled gently at me. This reminded me exactly how much I loved Esme.

"I'll be sure to do that. I'm sure he misses you and your chocolate chip cookies, Esme." I replied mutely.

All of my friends gave us warm goodbyes, telling us how much they wanted another visit from us. I was thinking of ways to tell them no, I couldn't come back. Not anytime soon. It was a mistake coming here so soon. Would I ever be ready to face him?

"Bella?" Craig questioned after he helped me into the car. I turned to him with questioning eyes. His hands clasped onto the steering wheel as his shoulders tightened.

"I take it that he's the father." He whispered in a detached voice. I shrank back, not wanting to hash out the details.

"That palpable, huh?" I murmured sadly.

"I think the whole caveman display of practically dragging you out of the room kind of showed it." He mumbled. I reached a hand out slowly, rubbing his shoulder in comfort. He sighed before placing his own hand over mine.

"Please tell me what you're thinking, Craig." I said softly. It was killing me. Did he think of me as a whore? Was he disgusted with me?

"I-I just want you to be happy, Bella." His response caught me off guard.

"I am happy."

"No. Your_ shell_ is happy. The real Bella isn't; I can tell." He finally turned towards me and caught my gaze. His expression was calm, calculating. I wanted to comfort him; tell him those words I knew he wanted to hear from me and actually _mean it_. I couldn't. Just like Edward had said; I didn't mean it. I wasn't in love with Craig. I should be, but I'm not.

"Craig, I have you. How could I possibly be anything but happy?" I tried to manage a smile. My words weren't even convincing to me.

"You still love him." He mused. My fake smile fell right off my face as soon as he uttered those words.

"That's ridiculous, Craig. I love_ you._" I looked down at my lap, pulling my hand away. Lies. All of it was a big, fat, lie.

"No you don't. You can't even look me in the eye when you say it. Look, I'm not going to say I'm happy, but I won't force you into anything. If you don't love me, don't say it. I can't stand to see you hurt, Bella. Ever." He started the car and peeled out of the driveway. The silence was tense and stifling. I glanced out the window, watching the scenery flash by. I really did miss this wet, green state.

"I don't know what to do, Craig. I've messed up my life." I whispered forlornly. I met his eyes in the mirror; his gaze locking me in place.

"No one will ever know how to handle this kind of situation, but you have to have some confidence in yourself. Bella, you're an amazing person and whatever you decide to do will be the right decision for_ you._" He sighed. I felt tears prick my eyes. Why couldn't I love Craig? He loved me and he never took me for granted. Not once. So, why couldn't I shake the want of Edward with me away?

Because I still love him.

"Are you going to stay here in Forks, Bella?" He questioned softly.

"I-I don't know. I think Edward will want me to seeing how he just found out." I looked down in embarrassment.

"Hey now, don't be ashamed. Hell, I probably would have run away too." He gave a short, forced laugh for my benefit and I was grateful for it. I felt a smile crawl up my lips.

"What will you do if I don't come back with you? What will happen to my job?" The reality came back to me. My sensible side demanded that I got these answers before having any type of peace of mind.

"For the first question.....I don't have an answer yet. About your job; you can always transfer back to the office here. Especially when your boss has a certain fondness of you." He winked at me and I stifled a small giggle.

"Aha! I knew I could see you smile again. I'm just that good, aren't I?" He asked smugly, but with adoration in his eyes. I still couldn't shake the sense of uneasiness in me.

"Of course." I rolled my eyes before looking out the window again, noticing that we were in front of my dads' house.

I suddenly felt the urge to heave the contents of my stomach. My face went slack with the realization that I still hadn't told _my father_ about the baby. How could I have been so stupid?! What was my answer? That I wanted to wait for the right time? I was a grown adult, and I couldn't even tell my father such a crucial piece of information. Oh God, please don't let him have his gun on him.

"Bella!" Craig took in my new state in alarm after he parked his car behind the cruiser. "Bella, what the hell happened?" He demanded zeroing in on my stomach to make sure the baby was okay.

"Charlie." I whispered slowly, rolling the name around in my mouth. The name made my stomach clench and I wanted nothing more than to race out of there without looking back.

"What? Did you not- Oh." Realization dawned on him rather quickly. His breath let out in a giant whoosh and his shoulders slumped, hands falling off the steering wheel.

"How could you not tell him? He's your father, Bella." He mumbled, more to himself than to me. My face started to regain some movement. A frown.

"Do you think he would have let me leave if he knew I was pregnant?" I countered. We sat in complete silence before he finally slipped out of the car and made his way over to my side. He opened the door quickly and helped me out, his hand in mine, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Look, I'm not going to chastise you. It was your call and I respect your decisions no matter how much I don't like them. But, now we both have to face this. Right now. Hell, he'll probably think it's me that got you knocked up." He murmured the last part thoughtfully before giving my hand a gentle tug, urging me to the door.

My heart was thumping harshly in my chest with each tentative step towards my doom. I should have told him when I was in New York. At least then Craig wouldn't have to worry about getting shot in the ass.

By now we were right up at the door, Craig's hand hovering in a fist over the door. He looked over at me, asking me permission. I nodded my head numbly and he brought his hand down in three quick raps.

We didn't have to wait long before my father appeared. My heart stopped as the door creaked open at an excruciating pace. I felt my forehead and underarms break out in a cold, fearful sweat as light shined from inside the house. My dad came out with a happy smile on his face. Well, let's just say that that smile didn't last long.

"Bella! What happened to coming-Oh God." His eyes shot questioningly between my stomach and Craig, his hand on his gun. I vaguely wondered why he didn't have the day off, but the errant thought was pushed aside as soon as I saw his face turn deep purple in rage.

"Away! Boy, get away from my daughter _right now_." He ground out between clenched teeth. I could tell he was holding back the urge to really shoot Craig. I stepped in between the two and put a hand over Charlie's shoulder. He calmed down only a tad bit, but his hand did move away from the weapon.

"Bella, what the hell is going on?" He grumbled. I pushed him inside so that we could have the conversation without all the nosy neighbors rubbernecking.

I walked into the foyer and turned around as he shut the door in Craig's face.

"Dad!" I cried out, rushing back over to the door to let in a very frustrated Craig.

"No way in hell do I want _him_ around you anymore. This is his fault, isn't it?" He gestured to my stomach. I curled my hand around it protectively.

"Let me explain. And no, this child is in no way Craig's fault. It's mine." I plopped down on the well-worn couch and heard Charlie growl menacingly when Craig took the seat next to me.

"Please...... just give me the Cliff notes version." He mumbled before sinking into his armchair and taking a swig from the open beer bottle next to him.

"Well.....is there anything in particular that you want to know?" I cringed at the sound of my voice; and my stupid words.

"Anything in particular." He gave a snort at that. "How about who the damn father is and why you didn't tell me before you left." His face was slowly beginning to become less purple, but was now turning a startling shade of green. I gulped noisily.

"Would you believe Edward Cullen is?" I asked weakly. I felt both Craig and Charlie tense up before Charlie finally exploded.

"You mean the _married_ Edward Cullen is the father? Bella, don't you think this is something I had the right to know about? It is my grand child in there." I ducked my head in shame.

"Yes." I mumbled.

"Then why the hell did you let me let you leave without knowing you were pregnant." His voice was becoming sharper.

"Because I'm screwed up in the head."

"Usually you have a better head on those shoulders of yours, but I'm beginning to think otherwise." I saw hurt flash through his eyes. I felt horrible for deceiving him, but he wouldn't have let me leave if he knew I was pregnant.

"Bella, I love you and all, but I-I really need some time to calm down. I mean, you did just spring a whole mess of things on me today. Maybe you can come on back tomorrow once I clear my head." His voice was gruff due to the fact that he couldn't show his emotions well. I bit back tears and nodded slowly before getting up to give him a hug. His arms were loosely wrapped around me and he patted my upper back in a friendly gesture.

When we pulled back, he was actually smiling before apparently seeing Craig for the first time. He patted my stomach softly and I could have sworn I heard him say something like 'I hope it's a boy in there' At least he wasn't that upset. I'll live in that litte bubble for now. I'll have some peace, even if it doesn't last long.

"Don't think you're of the hook, boy. I'm still not so sure of you. You hurt my little girl; I get the whole department to hurt you. Get it?" Ahh, the paternal instincts kicking in. I smiled a little.

"I wouldn't dream of it, Chief Swan." Craig murmured warmly before taking up my hand again and leading me back out the door. I was a little miffed at how pleasant that went. It was more like greeting a neighbor than telling your father that you're five months pregnant. So surreal.

"I made a real mess of things, didn't I?" I questioned glumly as soon as we were in the car.

"Yeah. You'll get through it, and I'll be here for you every step of the way in whatever way you need me." He smiled a tired smile at me as we sped off toward the hotel.

I wish that I was in love with the good guy; with Craig. Instead, the only person on my mind was the one I couldn't bear to think about; Edward freaking Cullen.

_Where'er you go, you know I'll be there  
If you go far, you know I'll be there  
I'll go anywhere, So I'll see you there_

_You place the name you know I'll be there  
You name the time you know I'll be there  
I'll go anywhere, So I'll see you there_

_I don't care if you don't mind  
I'll be there not far behind  
I will dare, Keep in mind  
I'll be there for you_

_When there's a truth,  
you know I'll be there  
Amongst the lies,  
you know I'll be there  
I'll go anywhere,  
So I'll see you there_

_I don't care if you don't mind  
I'll be there not far behind  
I will dare, Keep in mind  
I'll be there for you_


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Bella's P.O.V.**

"Seriously, Craig, I'll be fine. Besides, you're only gonna be gone for two weeks. I'm a big girl." I laughed into the phone. It had only been a day since he had gone back to New York for some important deal.

He was already threatening to take the next flight out here.

Fuck, I so wished I could love him.

"I know, I know, but you can't blame me for missing you so damn much." He cooed back.

"Well, how could you not?" I teased.

"Listen, Bells, I gotta run. I've got a meeting in ten. Call me if you need anything. I love you. Bye." He clicked off before I could answer.

Maybe he needed to get off the phone fast, or maybe he feared me not saying I love you back. Either way, I felt guilty as hell. And I needed something salty to kill the killer cravings.

I hobbled into my semi-kitchen thing in the crappy apartment. The only reason I had my house before was because Renee, Phil, and Charlie had all helped me out. This crumbling piece of....whatever, was all I could afford right now, but I called it home. I mean, hello, my truck looks like an old shit, but I love it just the same. And I finally get to see it again!

I nearly jumped out of my skin when someone knocked on the door.

Alice.

"Some best friend you are." She huffed, pulling herself into the apartment.

"Whatever do you mean, Alice?" I batted my eyelashes at her.

She rolled her eyes, "Don't tell me you forgot already! No way am I letting you back out now. I never _ever_ hear you asking me to take you shopping. Either you've gone daft or you really are desperate for clothes."

"Actually, I want food court food," She laughed, raising an eyebrow. "Okay, and I'm too fat to wear anything but dresses."

I just handed myself over for torture. She shrieked, throwing her arms, gently, around me. I choked on her spiky hair.

"I've missed you so much, Bella." She murmured, the mood in the room shifting instantaneously. I gripped her tighter.

"I'm here, Ali, I'm not going anywhere." I whispered.

She pulled back grinning and I could tell she was plotting in her head.

"C'mon, let's hit the stores," She rubbed my protruding stomach lovingly, "and yes, we can get greasy, nasty food court food. How 'bout some faux Chinese food? Hmm?"

"I love you, Ali."

"Don't let Jazz hear you say that. Now, hurry up!"

* * *

"Alice!" I whined, "Where's the fucking food you promised me."

Currently, we were in the maternity section of some store shopping for more sundresses, even though I repeatedly asked her for more jeans, even if I did have to buy the ones with the elastic in them.

Shudder.

"Fine. You're the only person who thinks seven dresses is enough!" She bellowed, carrying all of the items, practically drowning her pixie form.

Ahh, there are some perks of pregnancy. Not having to carry stuff.

We ended up getting take-out Chinese from the food court and driving back to my place.

"This place really is a shithole, Bella." So blunt and loving, she is.

"Thanks." I shot back sarcastically.

"You should have just stayed with me and Jazzy." She pouted, bringing a piece of chicken to her small mouth.

"I'm fine here. I told you already, I'm not going to be a burden to anyone anymore. Plus, it isn't really that bad here and it's only temporary."

"Bella, you aren't a burden and this place _is _crappy and you know it."

We held a staring contest to see who would crack first. We both did. Laughing our asses off, because it was just so damn funny to be defending this piece of shit apartment.

My phone beeped and Alice looked down, still laughing. "You gonna get that?"

"Hello?" I answered, not bothering to look at the I.D when I should have.

"Hey, umm, it's Edward. I just wanted to know if it would be alright if I stopped by so we could talk. You're still at Charlie's, right?" My eyes shifted nervously to Alice, hoping she couldn't hear him.

Let's just say that she wasn't in a family friendly mood when it came to her least favorite brother. It didn't help much that he is the father of my child.

My laughter subsided after he spoke like it was a popped balloon. "Yeah, I guess that would be okay. I actually have something to ask you. Oh, and, I'm not actually at Charlie's. Since I've decided to stay in Forks, I figured I'd try not to be a bother to him. I got my own, little apartment."

Alice narrowed her eyes at me and I gulped before quickly giving Edward my new address.

"_He. Is. Not. Good. For. You,_" She seethed through clenched teeth.

"Precisely why we aren't together. But, we are bringing a baby into the world together, so I might as well be civilized with him." She snorted at that.

"Does that mean I have to be, too?"

**Edward's P.O.V.**

I woke up to loud, ear-splitting bangs on my door.

My arm was flung over my head, blocking the sun and half my vision. I vaguely remembered stumbling into my bed sometime after dawn. My hand was still clutching the Jose Cuervo.

Empty, of course.

I threw the bottle across the room and watched wearily as it landed in a heap of dirty laundry. I picked myself up off of the bed and almost fell back down.

Maybe, I shouldn't have drank the second bottle last night.

Like a drunk, I clumsily made my way to the door. I just really wanted that damn banging to stop before my head exploded. When I opened the door, a short and stoutly man was standing there in casual attire and I just wanted to close the door and go back to sleep.

I rubbed my eyes and blinked, "Edward Cullen. Can I help you?"

He gave a curt nod before removing his hand from behind his back. Presenting a manila envelope. I knew exactly what that meant.

"Here you are, sir." I took the manila envelope in my hand with a weary sigh. "You've been served." He said, turning back and heading to his car.

As I sat at the kitchen table, I ripped it open, staring at the papers with her elegant signature scribbled in various spots. And so help me _God_, I was smiling. Like it was just a late Christmas present or something. It was horrible and it was almost final and over, but it was also....beautiful, in a way.

Let's back up for a second, I'm not crazy. It's just, seeing the divorce papers, signed and ready for me, made everything that much more _real_. It symbolized that it was time for me to buck up and makes things right, and I wasn't going to let anything stop me.

Maybe I am crazy. I signed them quickly and shoved them back in the envelope. I felt strange, free, guilty. It was almost over; we just have court to figure out who gets what. I knew I would probably come out of this with the house. Tanya didn't want it, saying 'it probably had cum stains from the escapades', my car, and I knew she wouldn't touch my medical supply business. I didn't care, she could have anything she wanted. I didn't deserve anything except a swift slap in the face. And boy, did I get that a lot.

Then there was Bella. I still hadn't heard from her in weeks, but I knew she was still in Forks. Probably meaning that Craig was, too.

Today was Saturday, and believe or not, I actually had something to do today, and no, it isn't a beer run.

I got showered and dressed quickly, ridding myself of the stench of my stewing. As I got in my car, I glanced at the time. It was already four.

Shit.

I drove faster than I normally would so I could make it to Port Angeles before the store closed. Luckily, I made it with only two hours to spare. I jumped out of my car and hurried to the entrance of the small shop. A small, middle-aged woman met me by the counter.

"You must be Mr. Cullen, right?" She smiled and I took her offered hand for a shake.

"That's me, Miss...?"

"Oh, dear, call me Janice." She had a little southern pitch in her voice. I liked her already.

"I have some nice pieces picked out for you. Don't worry, all gender neutral colors." She scurried further into the shop. I smiled, my hand running over a changing table to my right.

"We have a changing table, a crib, stroller, diaper bag, you know, the works." She presented each item to me.

They all had matching designs. If I squinted, the patterns kind of looked like _A Starry Night_. I loved it, and I'm sure Bella would, too. I smiled softly to myself, thinking of Bella, carrying my, _our_, baby in her swollen tummy. And then, I was brought back down, remembering that she wanted nothing to do with me.

"Mr. Cullen? Yoo hoo, are you still with me, darling?" She waved a hand in front of my face, breaking me out of my funk.

"Yeah, sorry, everything looks great. I think I'll take all of these items, and maybe have a look around for other stuff."

"Very well," She murmured, her expression kind of motherly, "All new fathers act like you, going in and out of it, mostly thinking of the mother. My, she must be one lucky woman to have someone like you that would do all this for her and the baby."

My good mood was crushed instantly. I didn't deserve praise for asking for forgiveness almost as much as I didn't deserve Bella.

"No, I'm just a lucky man to have her in my life."

I ended up staying the full two hours until the store closed. I also ended up buying, well, a lot. I just couldn't hold back the excitement that bubbled inside me as I picked out things for my son or daughter. I felt a little guilty for taking this experience away from Bella, but she would have killed me if she saw the price.

That is, if I could even get her to agree to go with me.

As I was headed back home, I tried calling Bella. She had given me, well, Jasper to give to me, her number a couple of days after we had talked. I was about to hit end after the fifth ring, but I heard her sweet voice float through the phone.

"Hello?" She had laughter in her voice. I cringed, my mind thinking of reasons that Craig could be making her laugh with.

"Hey, umm, it's Edward. I just wanted to know if it would be alright if I stopped by so we could talk. You're still at Charlie's, right?" I'm such a douche, it's not even funny.

And her laughter evaporated as soon as she heard my voice. "Yeah, I guess that would be okay. I actually have something to ask you. Oh, and, I'm not actually at Charlie's. Since I've decided to stay in Forks, I figured I'd try not to be a bother to him. I got my own, little apartment."

I was surprised that she was being almost...cordial to me. But, I'll take what I can get. She gave me her new address, and I didn't exactly like where she was living. This may be a small town, but there are some pretty bad parts of it.

And now, as I was parked outside the building, I didn't like it even more. It was shabby and crumbling and I wanted her away from it. Like hell would she take advice from me, though. My hand was poised over the door, but it was thrown open by....my sister? So it wasn't Craig making her laugh. My chest untightened a little.

Until Alice's face contorted in disgust before she retreated into the apartment.

"Bella, my _brother_ is here." She grumbled.

And then, the love of my fucking life appeared in a light yellow dress with bare feet. I wanted to rub her pregnant belly and hold her close. But I stayed where I was.

"Hello, Edward." She greeted me with a slight, tired smile on her beautiful face. Alice slipped into the 'kitchen' and I silently thanked her.

"What was it that you wanted to ask?" I asked. She gave a squeak, like she was surprised I asked, before speaking again.

"I was just wondering...well, since we decided to go through this together, if maybe you wanted to go to my doctors appointment with me. I transferred back to Dr. Henderson. I'm getting an ultrasound." She looked nervous and on the inside, I was jumping for joy. However, she took my silence as a no. "You're probably busy or something. It's okay. This is actually the second one I'm getting." She was angry, that much I could tell from the glare she gave the carpet.

"No, of course I'll go. I was just a little shocked that you would ask." She looked up at me with a quizzical look and sighed.

"Look, I'm really trying here. I don't want us to fight or be uncivilized toward each other. For the baby's sake." She grumbled. I put a hand on her shoulder, and luckily, she didn't shy away from the gesture.

"I love you, Bella, and I'll do whatever you want." And that's when she shrugged out of my grasp.

"Don't go there, Edward, or I _will_ make you leave," She sat down on one of the chairs in the room. "Now, what was it that you came here to talk about?"

"I actually picked up a few things for the baby. Do you want to see them?" Her eyebrows rose in surprise and she nodded her head, trying to stand up, a hand lying on her stomach.

"Here, let me help." I took her hand and helped her out. She took her hand away and walked in front of me, out the door, grunting about not needing help.

Good thing she lived on the first floor. She gasped when she looked in the back seat and trunk.

"How much did you spend?" She practically yelled at me.

"Enough. The rest is being shipped to my house, if that's alright."

She slapped my arm, lightly though. "Of course it's not okay! I don't want you spending money on me like that."

"Technically, I spent it on our baby." She looked down at her stomach, lovingly, resting a hand atop it. She peeked back up at me with an grateful expression, letting me know how much it meant for me to get this baby stuff. Even if she hated money being spent.

"But won't that be a problem, spending money on another woman while you're married?" She cringed when she said it.

"I actually signed the divorce papers earlier this afternoon." I shifted uncomfortably. I didn't like where this conversation was going, and I didn't think it would be very helpful to talk about it.

She stopped speaking, clearly not wanting to continue as much as I didn't want to either.

"I think I should go," I paused as she nodded her head vigorously. "When is your appointment?"

"Wednesday at two."

"I could pick you up." She looked up, nodding again, slowly.

"Thanks." She murmured, retreating to her door.

Alice was there, waiting for her. She pulled Bella inside with an arm around her. I think I almost cried. I wanted to be the one to comfort her, but I was thankful to have Alice there.

And then, I was back at my empty home, all alone. I went over to my fridge, pulling out another bottle of my favorite, needing to drown out everything. I took a book out of one of the bags and started reading on being a parent. I may be a horrible monster of a person, but I am going to be the best damn father I could be. Hours blurred by as I finished the book quickly. I put the unopened bottle back in the fridge before making my way to the bedroom.

I flung myself facedown on the bed, thinking about everything. At least she was talking to me again. If only she could know how much I love her.

The phone ringing echoed in my head and I was thankful for not drinking tonight, because that ringing would have killed me like the knocking earlier did.

"Hello?" I answered lazily.

"Fuck, Edward, please can you come over here?" Bella's voice was scared and frantic, and it made spring to my feet, running like a madman through my house to get my keys.

"Bella, love, calm down. What the hell's going on over there?" And why the hell would I be her first choice to call?

"Please, just come. I'm really scared."


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

**Edward's P.O.V.**

What I expected to find at Bella's apartment, and what I actually saw there were two completely different things.

I expected there to be some crazed maniac holding her hostage or something equally fucked up like that, but instead, I found her sitting on the nasty floor, holding her round stomach with shaking hands.

Which, given her current pregnant state, was infinitely more frightening.

She looked up at me with an expression that was a mixture of fear and worry as I made slow steps toward her.

"Bella, love, what…what happened?" I knelt down to her and brought my hand to her soft cheek. It was streaked with dried tears and trembling with the promise of more.

"I-I don't know. One minute, everything was perfectly normal." She paused as fresh tears ran down her face. "Then I started feeling kind of woozy. I thought it was nothing really, so I got up to go lie down in the bedroom and I just…passed out. I woke up on my back in the hall, scared out of my mind."

It took me less than five seconds to gather her shaking frame in my arms and lift her, gently, so I could carry her.

"Edward, what the hell are you doing?" She yelped, but clung onto me.

"We're going to the hospital to make sure our baby, and _you_, are okay," I replied stiffly as we made it out of her apartment, where I stopped at my Volvo. I set her down, keeping an arm securely wrapped around her waist for support, as I opened the passenger door. I moved the seat back so she would be comfortable and helped her into the car.

"Bella, where's your purse, love?"

Her eyebrows scrunched together, "Uh, why?"

"You did transfer back to Dr. Henderson when you decided to stay in Forks, right?" She nodded, seeming to get where I was going with this.

"It's on the counter by the microwave."

I ducked back inside and retrieved her purse, quickly locking her front door as I exited. Once back inside my car, I handed her bag to her and told her to call the doctor.

"Hi, yes, I'm sorry for calling so late, Dr. Henderson, but I've ran into some...problems." She paused, listening to what her doctor was telling her. She nodded to herself and glanced at me for a couple of seconds before looking away.

After she hung up, she looked back over to me. "She said to take me to Labor and Delivery. She's going to be there in the morning, but they have other specialists on duty until she gets in."

With her apparently not saying anything further on the matter, I started the car and nearly flew out of the apartment complex's parking lot.

"Did you do anything…strenuous at all?" I questioned as I tried to not to drive like a lunatic.

"No. After Alice left, I was just reading in the living room and then started to feel light headed," she replied in a subdued voice.

I glanced at her, shoulders still shaking from crying. I grabbed her hand and began rubbing circles on the back of it with my thumb. It could turn out much worse if I couldn't get her to relax.

"Bella, calm down, I'm sure it won't be as bad as we think it is." _I hope._

"Yeah, because all pregnant mothers are supposed to pass out, right?" She shot back with a sarcastic snort.

I didn't speak for the rest of the ride in fear of saying more to upset her. After a few moments of silence, I could hear her breathing even out, letting me know she had at least stopped crying. I turned to glance at her profile briefly, finding out that I was wrong; there was a silent trail of tears falling from her closed eyes. It broke my heart to see her cry. Even more so when there was a chance our baby could be in trouble. The very thought of something being wrong with the baby had that ache in my heart turn into a borderline hysteria.

Before I knew it, we were in the parking lot of the hospital and I was hustling Bella inside as fast as I could possibly go without hurting her, and having spent a lot of time here thanks to Carlisle, made it to Labor and Delivery quickly. The nurse at the desk looked up, startled at our entrance.

"Isabella Swan?" The lady asked quietly. When Bella confirmed who she was, the woman nodded. "Dr. Henderson let us know you were coming in. We're going to get you into a room to meet with the doctor on call here tonight."

We were in Bella's room for a few moments before a nurse came in to help Bella

"Miss Swan, once you get changed into this gown, I'm going to get your IV in. I'm also going to have to hook a monitor up to your stomach to check on your baby throughout the night."

She handed the hospital gown to Bella and after waiting while Bella changed, did exactly as she said and hooked Bella up with a bunch of wires, comfortable in the bed, but still visibly upset. After Bella was thoroughly situated the nurse took her vitals and then left swiftly; presumably to inform the doctor of our arrival.

Bella stopped crying maybe two seconds before the doctor came in.

"Miss Swan," he acknowledged, reading over the sheet I had filled in. "It says here that you're in your thirtieth week, and your due date is April first."

"Yes."

"And you passed out? For how long?"

"I don't really know exactly."

"Has this ever occurred before?"

"Um, no, this was the first time."

The doctor paused, probably looking over the tests the nurse took, before looking back up at Bella.

"Your blood pressure is very high, Miss Swan."

"But I don't have high blood pressure, and it doesn't run in the family." Her eyebrows came together in confusion.

"Sometimes these things happen during pregnancies. Especially if you're more stressed out than you should be."

This was my fucking fault that she was here.

"Now, this was most likely the reason for you passing out, but we'll run some tests to be positive, and we'll make sure to get an ultrasound to check on your baby, too." The doctor asked us if we had any other questions and left the room when we told him that we didn't.

I turned to Bella, "This entire thing is my fault, Bella, I'm so sor-" She waved a hand at me swiftly.

"Don't apologize. It's my fault. I should be taking better care of myself," Would she ever just stop being so damn selfless?

"Bella, I swear to Christ that if you keep blaming yourself for this, I'll have an aneurism." She narrowed her eyes and scowled, but remained silent as she turned her face away from me.

Being the master of changing the subject, she used her ability well. "Do you want to, you know, do the ultrasound with me? I mean, you were going to anyway at my next appointment, but…" Her hands fidgeted in her lap as she remained facing the opposite direction.

"I think you already know the answer to that." She finally brought her gaze to mine again; a soft smile lighting her otherwise sullen face.

"Thanks," she whispered.

For what seemed like two eternities, but was probably only an hour or so - silence _really_ made time go by slowly - Bella was all ready for her ultrasound. Belly goo, and all.

I seemed to turn into the biggest fucking pussy of all time when I saw my baby, _my baby_, on that little monitor. I couldn't believe that something so small and fragile was actually inside of Bella.

I cried.

No, seriously. A single tear ran down my face before I hastily swiped it away. But, not before Bella saw it. She didn't comment. Instead, she just lied there smiling warmly at our baby.

_Our. Baby._

"I hope you don't mind not knowing the sex, Edward, I just wanted it to be a surprise." She murmured.

"As much as the not knowing is killing me, I'm happy to wait if it makes you happy." Not knowing where my newfound, heartfelt boldness was coming from, I reached a hand over to one of hers and squeezed it lightly. To my shock, and complete joy, as I was pulling mine away, she gripped tighter and did not let go during the whole process.

"Everything seems to be perfectly fine, Ms. Swan. Your baby is just fine and so are you. Now, we're still going to have to have to keep you here overnight for observation, alright?" She nodded and then the doctor looked at me, but still seemed to be talking to Bella. "Hospital's policy is that you can have one guest overnight."

"Oh, yes, he'll be staying overnight with me." Bella said, without missing a beat. The doctor nodded and strode out of the room.

"Bella," I started, shocked, "are you sure you really want _me_ to stay with you?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I don't want to be alone and I really don't want to bother anyone else by waking them up so late - er, early."

I was about to reply, possibly fall to my knees and beg her to take me back or whatever, but a nurse came and began to give Bella more information.

"Press the top button on the remote for the bed if you need to page the nurses' station, and that chair right there pulls out into a bed." She pointed to the small, cushioned chair to Bella's left.

It was going to be so fucking uncomfortable.

The nurse hand me a pillow and a blanket before leaving.

After preparing my makeshift bed, Bella shifted so that she could look at me.

And grab my hand.

"Thank you so much, Edward," she murmured.

"Bella, you don't have to thank me."

"I know, but I want to." She brought my hand up to her mouth and laid a gentle, fleeting kiss to it before letting go. "Goodnight, Edward," she whispered before closing her eyes and slowly ebbing into sleep.

"Goodnight, love."

After a short sleep filled with being woken up periodically by nurses coming in to check on Bella and the baby, we finally got to see Dr. Henderson. Seeing as how she actually did looked concerned for her patient - unlike other doctors who pretended to be empathetic - I decided that I liked her.

"Bella, your blood pressure is back to normal, but you'll need to take it easy and cut back on all those salty, cholesterol-filled foods I know you've been eating." Her pointed, but also playful stare made Bella blush and nod in understanding.

"Also, I'm not going to put you on bed rest just yet, but I'm going to have you come in next week to see if your blood pressure is still stable. If it isn't, I'm going to have to put you on bed rest, okay?"

"That sounds fine," Bella replied.

Dr. Henderson smiled warmly, motherly at Bella before she left after leaving a few more instructions for us. A nurse came in not long after that to get Bella unhooked from all the machines so she could get ready to be discharged. Once that was all good and settled, we found ourselves situated in my car, at a total loss of what to say or do.

"So, do you want me to take you back to your house? I can call Alice or Rose to let them know what's going on."

"Well, er, would it be alright if we went back to…your house? I don't want to wake them up so early and I'd really just like to get something to eat, if you don't mind." She peeked over at me shyly as she asked this.

"Didn't you just eat breakfast in there?" She shot me a dark look, which shut me the fuck up.

"Shut the hell up, Cullen, and drive me somewhere I can make some food!"

And I did.

My house didn't exactly have that much food, but I wouldn't tell her that.

We arrived in record time, Bella complaining I was driving too fast. I slowed down, grumbling the whole time.

One thing that I had totally forgotten about was the current state my home was in from my weeks of self-pity and wallowing.

"Your house," Bella paused to kick a piece of stray laundry on the ground in the living room, "looks like utter shit."

"Well, thanks," I shot back playfully as I led her into the kitchen. I made a move to open up the cupboards and fridge to see if I had anything edible, but she literally slapped me away and pointed to a seat at the table.

"Bella, you should relax. Remember what-"

"Like I'm going to let _you_ cook me anything. I'd rather not end up back at the hospital because you gave me food poisoning," she scoffed and pulled out different items of food so fast that I couldn't even tell what she was trying to make.

In all honesty, I think she had the stacks of pancakes with eggs finished in 2.5 seconds.

"Whoa there, Speed Racer, how did _that _come out of my kitchen?" I could have sworn I only had, like, ketchup and mustard and Ramen left in there.

"Yeah, well, when it comes to a pregnant woman and her food, there's nothing she can't do." _Touché._

"Besides, I don't see or hear you complaining when this is probably the first real food you've-" She stopped short, clutching her stomach with a small grimace. I rushed over to her in an instant.

"Bella?" I was frantic, but she wasn't saying anything. I guided her to a chair at the table with an arm around her shoulders. I knelt beside her and finally, her expression changed into a smile.

Huh?

"Our baby's gonna be a soccer star, I'm sure of it," she said with a laugh and I let out a relieved sigh, rubbing a hand over my eyes.

"You scared the hell out of me, Bella." She placed one of her hands on my cheek and stroked under my eye with her thumb. It was so gentle that I wanted to cry.

I _loved_ it.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I didn't mean to," she said apologetically.

"Don't worry. It's just, if anything happened to you or the baby, I couldn't-" I cut myself off before I made her uncomfortable, and she looked away.

"Well, ah, let's eat." She was about to fix me a plate, but seeing as how she was probably up and on her feet for too long while making this breakfast and should definitely rest, I gently nudged her aside - earning an angry swat - and fixed two plates of food.

We ate in silence for a little while before she broke it.

"So, what's our situation?"

"What do you mean?" _Does she mean what I _want_ her to mean?_

"Like, what are we going to do about the whole sort of bed-rest situation? I'm due soon, so I need someone with me. At least, until Craig gets back."

My heart sank. I had totally forgotten about that douche.

_Douche? He's a lot better than you, fuckface Eddie._

"And, not that I want to impose, but would you maybe stay with me?"

"What about your dad? Wouldn't you much rather stay with him than with _me_? Or Alice?" An unreadable emotion passed over her face when I asked her that.

She fiddled with her napkin and said, "I want you there."

_Wait, what?_

"Really?" I asked, my eyebrows rising in incredulity. "I'm ecstatic that you do, love, but why?"

"I just - I just do, okay?" She huffed and threw her napkin down and moved to clean up her plate.

"Here, let me get that for you." Astonishingly, she let me clear the table. Unfortunately, it seemed like my question made her close herself off. Just as I was done with the dishes, she got up and stocked down the hallway to the living room. I heard the TV come to life and then she started flipping through the channels.

I closed the dishwasher's door and went off into the living room. She didn't acknowledge my even_ existence _when I sat down next to her, probably too close for her comfort.

"I'm sorry for whatever I said to upset you, Bella." Her jaw tensed, but other than that, she showed no signs of hearing what I had said.

"Bella, please, just-"

"I'm not mad at you, Edward." She cut me off tersely. "Look, can we just forget that I even suggested that I wanted you to stay with me? It's pretty obvious you don't want to and I get that, I do, really."

"Fuck, Bella, I told you, I'm unbelievable happy that you want me to stay with you, I just didn't know why you would want to after everything."

She still didn't look at me.

"Edward, I meant it when I said I wanted to be amiable for our baby's sake, but I also don't want it to be superficial. I want-I really want to forgive you so that we can move past it. If I never forgive, there will always be lingering doubt or anger." She finally peeked over at me, a hint of a smile on her face. "Plus, I want my best friend back."

Who has two thumbs and is the happiest fucker on the planet?

This guy.

"I just have one suggestion about this arrangement. I think you should come and stay here for the time being, because that current place you have is a piece of crap."

"No, Edward. That would kind of defeat the whole purpose of me getting the place. Besides, it's only temporary."

"C'mon, Bella, will you please stay here?"

"I-I don't know, Edward. Let me think about it, okay? In the meantime, I think we should clean this sty up."

"Oh, no. I'll clean and you'll go lie down and relax," I countered, ignoring the pout as I helped her up and ushered back into the guest room.

"Oh, I saw it when I walked over here, but what did you do to that other guest room? There's nothing in it anymore and it looks like you just repainted it. Are you remodeling or something?"

Shit. How did _that _slip my mind?

"That's the baby's new room." Her eyes grew wide, but her mouth curved upward into a gentle smile.

"Thank you, Edward." She cupped my cheek - to which I relished by leaning into it. Surprised by her own actions, she hastily withdrew the hand and waddled over to the only working guest room.

After reveling in the traces of happiness and warmth her touch left on me, I tried to assess the state my house was in, and figure out where to start.

Let's just say I was screwed on the whole cleaning front, because my house resembled a hotel room after a rock star had stayed there circa the 1980s. But fuck, I couldn't give two shits about having to clean it, because Bella,_ Bella_, was in my home and from how she was acting, I was slowly starting to gain _something _from her. I didn't know exactly what that something was, but it didn't matter. _Anything_ from Bella was worth hopping around and dancing like a little fucking girl.

And I _was_ hopping and dancing around like a little fucking girl on the inside.

After my inner self got done with his own impersonation of that Efron douche, I found myself standing right outside of where Bella was; just a door between me and my angel. Before her, I never thought someone, not even Tanya, could make me feel like this.

But, it wasn't just _someone_; it was _my _Bella, the woman I had hurt so many times, and the baby inside of her that I would make sure never to hurt.

My hand gripping the handle so tightly my knuckles were turning a ghostly white. I didn't know what I expected to happen. Did I think she going to leap into my arms the second I opened the door?

I pulled my hand away sharply as if it had been shocked.

_I just want to see her_. Wow, even my own thoughts sounded creepy to me. Was I really going to watch Bella sleep while she was unaware?

Yes.

The door was open in a blink of an eye and the vision before me nearly brought me to my knees with its innocent beauty.

There, facing me with one tiny hand curled up under her cheek, hair strewn all around her like a dark halo, was a Bella that had never looked more peaceful or beautiful.

She was everything that was pure and good and right in the world.

And I was the monster that knocked her down every chance I got.

I fought with myself about spending a few more minutes in this angel's presence, but thought better of it just in case she woke up to my creepiness and we were sent back to square one.

I slipped out as quietly as I had come in and went back to the living room.

With newfound lightness in my chest and a smile on my face, I vowed to never hurt that angel ever again. I was going to do everything in my power to make her and the baby happy.

To start with, I went to clean up my fucking sty of a house.

* * *

**A.N. : I know. I fail. A lot. I apologize for the epic lateness of this chapter. Life has been an ongoing clusterfuck. I'm especially sorry to those of you that I said something like "Oh, yeah, MDS/Hello will be updated..." and then never updated. This chapter is dedicated to you. Sarquan, your PM was what really kicked my butt into gear, so thank you and I'm sorry. Also, I have a twitter that I'll be using to talk about posting: VenomPwnage**

**Now, for this chapter, I've never been pregnant, so all this info was given to me by my fabulous beta, sweetishbubble, who made this chapter (which was awful before she edited it) so, so much better.**

**Also, I'm going to go back and edit the previous chapters, because I've noticed some problems with them. I'm sorry I didn't reply to all the reviews, but I'll try to this time.**

**Love, **

**ThankYouForTheVenom08**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**Bella P.O.V.**

I let out a contented sigh, settling into the oh so comfortable bed, nearly falling asleep the instant my head hit the pillow. However, my mind was racing too fast to allow me to succumb to sleep. Slowly, but surely, I was starting to see the Edward I had fallen in love with. Slowly, I was forgiving him.

And that scared me to _no_ _end_.

I knew for a fact that this new arrangement with him being around me all the time would only bring on bad things. Already I could feel those familiar inklings of longing…and love. A part of me knew I shouldn't, but another part was dying to give in those very real and _very _frightening feelings. I…missed how he made me feel before everything went south. With the Edward I had come to love, I felt safe, cherished, and loved, and even though I had that with Craig, albeit on a lower level, I still craved it more from Edward.

My mind snapped out of those thoughts the moment I heard the floorboards creek outside of the bedroom door. I knew for a fact that Edward was on the other side, probably about to come in to check on me. My eyes snapped shut and I tried to act like I was asleep. I was too confused about the myriad of emotions that today had dragged me through, that Edward's actions had dragged me through, to deal with more conversation. The door creaked open slowly and then I could feel his piercing gaze on me, burning me with its intensity.

_Why is he watching me? _

_Why do I _like_ that he's watching me?_

Well, I knew the answer to the second one. Even though he had hurt me, I still wanted him more than anything.

I was about to open my eyes when the door closed and he shuffled back down the hallway. I exhaled slowly, even more confusing emotions and thoughts clouding my mind, shifted in the bed, closed my eyes again, and slowly drifted off.

…

I was awoken by a loud, clanging sound of dishes crashing into the sink and Edward exclaiming, "Fuck!"

Blearily, I rubbed my eyes and heaved myself out of bed. I made my way to the kitchen, which held a very disgruntled Edward that seemed to be battling with the mountain of dishes that had accumulated in his kitchen. How this one man had fucked his house up so much in so little time was a complete mystery to me. Although, to his credit, the kitchen did look a little better than before.

"Need some help there, champ?" He jumped, shocked at the intrusion, then relaxed and turned to me.

"I'm not exactly a homemaker, if you couldn't already tell as much," he muttered, wiping his hands on a dishtowel and taking a seat at the table.

"I offered to help."

"And I politely declined your offer, but thank you anyway." Smiling, he motioned for me to sit opposite him.

"So, did you think about my offer before you took a nap?" he questioned, a light blush tinting his cheeks. I would have thought it to be adorable, but I needed to _not_ think like that, because I had Craig, and he was nothing but generous and loving to me and I would not repay that kindness by hurting him.

_I wouldn't._

"A little," I lied.

His whole body tensed. He probably thought I didn't want to accept his offer to stay with him here, at his house, until Craig came back and we arranged something else. Which, in all honesty, I did want to reject it because it was hard enough trying to fight the love I still had for him _without_ being in a place that held so many of our happier memories.

"And?"

"I don't know," I amended, shrugging lightly.

He dragged his hands through his already messy hair and blew out a gust of air. "Please, Bella, I really don't think that the place you're living at now, however _temporary_ it may be, is safe for you or the baby. Fuck, it doesn't even have a real kitchen and it smells like mold!"

"I agree that it probably isn't the best place," I said, but did not elaborate further, which seemed to drive him nuts.

"If anything happened to you or the baby, I'd lose it. I know I've been a complete jackass when it comes to this, to you, but I love you and our baby more than _anything_ and I want you to be as safe and comfortable as possible."

I sucked in a sharp breath, even though he'd said this a lot since I'd been back, and had to fight the urge to throw my arms around him and never let go.

_Craig, Craig, Craig._

No matter how much Edward called to me, Craig had helped way too much for me to hurt him, and yet, I kept forgetting about him and his feelings and continued to revert back to the Bella that was with Edward.

_Why does it have to be like this?_

"Please, just try it out, and if you still aren't comfortable we can move you to your dad's or my parent's house, or Alice's. Just please, don't stay at your apartment." His eyes shone, still holding in tears, and no matter how much I wanted to believe that he was bullshitting me just to get his way, I could tell that he wasn't.

"Okay, Edward," I murmured, and before I could process the next turn of events, he was in front of me. Arms gently resting on either side of my swollen middle so as not to put on too much pressure, he was kneeling in front of where I sat, muttering things I couldn't hear and laying little kisses on my stomach every so often.

My fingers twitched, aching to rake through his hair or caress his cheek, but my eyes welled up with tears. His proximity was too much…too painful, and I couldn't keep the floodgates bottled up. The repressed love I had for him was bubbling up to the surface once again, and I couldn't allow it to rise any further.

_Stop, stop, stop._

Since he couldn't hear my thoughts, he kept on doing what he was doing, pressing closer to me.

"Edward," I started and pulled his arms away, "I'm just going to go and…make some calls." I tried to put on a smile in order to lessen the awkwardness, but it probably came across as a strained, creepy distortion of my face.

He pulled further away from me before standing and raking a hand through his hair, laughing mirthlessly.

"Yeah, uh, I'll just be in my room," he trailed off and headed back to his bedroom, slamming the door in the process.

**Edward's P.O.V.**

_Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck!_

I should get an award for the world's shittiest human being alive. It seemed that the only thing I was able to do was make Bella cry, feel hurt, or become extremely uncomfortable. I can't believe that I had crossed such a line and touched her, fucking _wrapped_ myself around her, when she so obviously did not want me to. It's just, her agreeing to stay with me in my home was like some sort of emotional catalyst that set off my shitty antics.

_Which isn't an excuse. At-fucking-all._

I stood still in the middle of my room, hands burrowed in my hair in agitation, thinking over the turn of events and how big of a douche I am.

"Shit," I muttered, kicking an errant piece of laundry aside in my mad march to the bathroom.

I stood in front of the sink, splashing cold water on my face to quell the emotions swirling inside me. Looking at my reflection, I internally cursed myself in every way possible for being such a touchy idiot to her. I shut the tap off, blotting my face with a towel. Steeling myself, I left my room, ready to make up for this huge atrocity in whatever capacity needed. Upon making it back into the living room, I found that Bella was already there, watching the TV once again, picking at one of the throw blankets.

"Bella, I'm so sor-"

"I called Craig," she started, interrupting me. "He's going to be here in a few days."

I let this roll around in my head. _A few days… I only had a few days left before the fucker Craig came back. Great._

I sat myself down next to her on the couch, at a reasonable distance so that I would not cause discomfort for her like I did just a little while before.

"I'll stay here until he gets back," she murmured, finally glancing over at me, "and then we'll figure out where to go from there."

I nodded to let her know that I understood and was about to say so when she continued on with a new train of thought.

"I feel…uncomfortable when you take me by surprise like that. I'm okay with some contact, but that…" she trailed off at the end, wringing her hands in her lap nervously.

"I understand and I can't tell you how shitty I feel for making you feel so awkward." She looked back up at me with a wry smile.

"You know, I'm actually starting to believe what you've been saying, Edward." She laughed a little.

"It _is _true. Everything I've said is true. Please believe that," I implored, eliciting another quiet laugh from her.

"I'm going to call my dad and Alice. She wanted to get together again today," she murmured, removing herself from her seat to retrieve her bag that I had placed on the table in the hall.

She turned back to look at me. There was a curious tilt to her head as she just barely whispered, "You've really changed while I've been gone."

I watched as she fumbled through her bag, finally got her phone, and called either Alice or Charlie. She retreated back to the guest room when they finally picked up. I sighed, rubbing my face harshly, trying to figure out whether the change she apparently saw was good or bad.

**Bella's P.O.V.**

After an emotionally draining conversation with my dad (him only relenting when I agreed to come over and visit when I felt better), I dialed the one person who could get me out of the slump I was suddenly thrust into.

"Hello?" Alice answered on the first ring.

And I let loose. I told her about what had happened after she left; how I was currently staying with Edward…_everything_.

"Can you please come over, Alice?"

She paused, absorbing all that I had just told her, before replying. "Yes, of course. Do you want me to pick anything up?"

"Some comfort food and a romance movie?"

She laughed, "Alright, I'll see you soon."

When she hung up, I went in search of Edward to tell him about my plans with Alice. _I hope he's not too upset that I just invited someone over without asking him…even if it _is _his sister._

He wasn't in the kitchen, living room, or master bedroom, so I steeled myself and cautiously entered the baby's room; our baby's room. It wasn't finished, but it was getting there and I could tell that Edward had taken great care with its preparations. It was beautiful already. My heart swelled for what seemed like the tenth time today. I found Edward sitting in a rocking chair by the crib, head in his hands, muttering things that I couldn't make out.

"Uh, Edward?" I ventured further into the room after his head snapped up. "Alice is going to come over…if that's okay." I added, feeling like a teenager that was asking my parents to have someone over.

"Alice is coming?" he asked, making it evident that he was shocked and pleased at the prospect of seeing her.

_When was the last time they even talked?_

"Yes," I stated, bemused. "I'll, uh, go get ready."

"Bella, wait," he said, standing up from the rocking chair, "I really am sorry about before. Do you think you can forgive me…for earlier?"

"There's nothing to forgive, but if it will make you feel better, yes, I forgive you."

"Thanks," he smiled, turning to tinker with something in a cardboard box next to the crib. "I'll be in here if you need me."

I waddled out of the room, making my way to the bathroom to get ready for Alice's visit. I let the water ease the tension in my body, but I didn't stay too long, because my feet were aching and I just wanted to get into some comfortable clothes, snuggle in some warm blankets, and relax.

I dragged a towel and brush through my hair, hastily pulling it into a bun, and realized that I didn't have any clothes except for the dirty ones I had arrived in. Which meant that I could either call Alice, tell her to bring some clothes, and have to wait a little bit to get dressed, or ask Edward for something to wear.

_Well, crap._

I mulled over both options, but chose the latter, because I had no desire to sit in a towel, wet and naked, waiting for clothes. I clutched the towel to my body as I tried to walk to the baby's room with as much dignity as I could muster. The door was still open and Edward was hard at work putting something (possibly a changing table) together. By this, I mean he was cursing and huffing and _not _getting the thing assembled…the works.

"Edward," I started, and when he didn't immediately turn around, I stepped a little further into the room.

He turned, registered the state I was in, gulped, and looked back down at the directions in his hands, which were visibly shaking.

"B-Bella, what…what are…" he trailed off.

My cheeks flamed, "I don't have any, er, clothes here."

His eyes widened and he shook his head. "Oh, I'll go get you something. Do you think we should drop by your place to pick some stuff up for you?"

_Uh, yeah, obviously._

"Yeah, we should go later or Alice can take me when she gets here."

He was silent for a moment and finally nodded before leaving the room rather quickly, puzzling me. I followed him out, but instead of following him to the master bedroom, I went back into the guest room I was staying in. I closed the door and toweled off a little bit, trying to do so quickly before Edward came with the clothes. I miscalculated exactly how much time that was, and forgot to lock the damn door.

"Fuck," was muttered from the doorway where Edward stood, wide-eyed and mouth agape, clutching a pile of clothes in his hands so hard I thought he might rip them in half.

Thoroughly embarrassed, I covered myself with the towel as fast I could before making to grab the clothes out of his hands. When I had them in my hands, he still didn't let go, eyeing me all over.

"You're beau-"

Knowing what he was about to say, I held up a hand, saying "Don't. Just, don't," before taking the clothes and gently, but firmly, pushing him out of the room and shutting the door behind him.

I made sure to lock it this time.

I was also ashamed to admit that I was…glad at the prospect of him finding me attractive given my current state, and I had to fight the creeping smile I could feel working its way onto my face.

_Shit, knock it off, you idiot!_

I shook my head and put on the loose pair of sweats and shirt he had given me. I went back out into the living room, where Edward currently wasn't in, thank goodness. And yes, I was wearing a pair of his boxer briefs. Which wasn't weird. At all.

Right as I was about to settle into the couch, the doorbell rang and since I was the only one out here, I got up slowly and went to open it, finding Alice on the other side.

"Bella, why are you wearing my brother's clothes?"

"Well, uh, I don't have any clothes here of my own." she shook her head at me, amused.

"Before we do anything, we need to go get you some clothes, okay?" Obviously the question part was rhetorical, because before I even had time to tell Edward, she dragged me out to her car and we were on our way to my apartment.

"You know you can come stay with me and Jazz, right?" she asked as soon as were on the road.

"Edward and I already settled this and Craig will be back soon, so it's pretty much a moot point."

She huffed, obviously not liking my answer, but didn't say anything else on the topic. Instead, we made small-talk on anything and everything that wasn't too deep or serious, which I was immensely thankful for, and then we came to a stop at my apartment complex. Before I could blink, Alice was at my door, helping me out of the car as gently as she could and it made me all teary-eyed and mushy.

Seriously, the hormones are obnoxious. In a good way, though… sometimes.

We spent the next half-hour or so packing things that I would need while staying at Edward's for the next few days, and enjoying each other's company. After I passed Alice's little packing/fashion test, we went back to Edward's to finally have our much needed girl time. Which started with being accosted by a very agitated Edward.

"Where have you been? Did you realize how worried...Oh, hi, Alice," he stuttered, solidifying in my mind the fact that these two have severely drifted apart in the past few months.

I tried not to think it was because of me, but I knew it probably was.

"She's fine. We're going to go and relax now, warden," she snarked, slinking around him. I moved to follow her into the living room, but Edward gently grasped my elbow and turned me to face him.

"Why didn't you call? I was really worried, Bella," his face looked so completely anxious me and I felt like a total jerk.

_Please stop being so endearing. It makes it hard to stop being in love with you._

"I'm sorry I worried you, Edward. I should have called," I murmured. He nodded, seemingly placated by this response for the moment.

"Bella!" Alice called from the other room and I sighed. I was relieved that I now had a legitimate distraction from him.

Edward sighed, letting his hand trail down from my elbow to my hand and he rubbed soothing circles on the inside of my wrist, his eyes soft and warm.

"Have fun, Bella." He dropped my hand and trailed out of the room, leaving me to make my way to Alice in a complete daze.

She looked at me through narrowed eyes, probably taking in my overly flushed cheeks and wide-eyes, before looking away and picking up two DVD cases off of the coffee table.

"I have _Pride and Prejudice_ or _27 Dresses_." She held up both movies. "Which one do you want to watch first?"

We agreed on _27 Dresses_ and settled into the couch under a soft, warm blanket, scarfing down the snacks-totally healthy because I told her beforehand about my restrictions- and altogether enjoyed the company of one another. Until Alice decided that she needed to open up a certain messy can of worms.

She started with, "You're still in love with him."

To which I tried to disagree, but she just waved me off with her hand, before leveling me with a curious gaze. She really didn't say much after letting that one drop, but after a few minutes of tense silence, she added one final thing, "You love him and I just _know_ what's going to happen and although I want to stop it, I know I won't be able to, but I'll try my hardest not to let you get hurt like that again."

Her cryptic answer left the entire rest of her visit tense and not very enjoyable. Once we finished both movies, she cleaned up and got all of her things together to leave, telling me she needed to get home soon. I yawned, looking to see that it was almost seven at night.

She enveloped me in a fierce side hug, and whispered into my ear, "Call me anytime that you need me, Bella." She left soon after, kissing me on the cheek and saying goodbye.

I didn't really feel _that_ tired, so I decided to go back into the living room and watch some more TV until I did. Edward was already sprawled out on the couch when I walked in. He noticed me and immediately moved into a sitting position and patted the cushion next to him. I took the offered seat, grimacing a little as I tried to get comfortable.

"What's wrong?" He asked, seeing my obvious discomfort.

"Oh, my back hurts a little. It's nothing," I told him, even though it really didn't feel like nothing. It felt like I had been kicked repeatedly in the spine.

"I could, uh, help if you want," he said, uncertainty ringing through his tone.

I thought it over, knowing it wouldn't be a good choice, but since my back really, really hurt, I let that fact make the decision for me.

_Fuck it, my back hurts. I'll deal with whatever consequences come later._

We maneuvered ourselves into a comfortable position where he had access to my back. I felt him get up and when he got whatever it was that he needed, he sat back down behind me and held a tennis ball up in front of my face before bringing it back out of my sight.

"I read that it helps." He rolled the ball down, leaving delicious tingles in its wake. I may have let out little groans or things to that effect, but I didn't know for sure.

"Better?" He laughed, digging in particularly hard. We spent the next few moments of bliss-inducing, back rubbing goodness in silence, which helped make it a little less awkward. Not that I was necessarily thinking about how awkward this was, because I was too busy feeling fan-freaking-tastic. Of course, it was then that Alice's words from earlier decided to come flooding back and disturb my peace.

_You still love him._

Well, I already knew as much, but that didn't make it any less frightening to hear it out loud. What really bugged me and what I really wanted to know was what she meant when she said the _other_ thing.

Thoroughly disappointed over the fact that my relaxed-high had completely crashed down, I extracted myself from Edward's hands, thanking him, and told him that I was tired and went to bed without another word. I sat down on the bed, back to where I began this morning, only feeling hundred percent different. Even worse, Alice's words started to make sense to me.

_You love him and I just know what's going to happen and although I want to stop it, I know I won't be able to, but I'll try my hardest not to let you get hurt like that again._

She meant that she knew I was going to go back to Edward.

I gasped, feeling myself shake as I tried to process this new information. I shook my head, attempting to write her words off as overly superstitious or that maybe I was misinterpreting what she had said, but deep down, I knew that I wasn't.

It was then that with startling clarity I realized that sometime, sometime very soon, I would have to make a decision about whether to let Edward go completely and only have a relationship with him through our child, no back-rubbing or spending so much time alone with him…or hurt Craig and choose to give Edward a second chance to be in my life romantically. Today had proven that my feelings for him had definitely not changed and I would need to make this choice if _any_ of us were to have any semblance of a chance to be happy in the future.

And either way, I would hurt one of them, hurting myself in the process.

I spent the rest of the night silently contemplating this, trying not to freak the fuck out over this whole new outlook.

* * *

**A.N: Hello, lovelies! This chapter is late mostly due to severe writer's block, but at least you didn't have to wait a year for it, right? I apologize for making you wait, and for not replying to all of your amazing reviews, but I do read each and every one of them and can't tell you how much they mean to me. Seriously, when I have hair-pulling moments of epic chapter-fail, your reviews are what get me writing again, so thank you. Unfortunately, these next couple of weeks are going to be crazy for me (end of the semester/finals and all that jazz), so there probably won't be an update (except Hello; that'll hopefully happen next week).**

**My spectacular, paragraph-making, chapter-fixing beta, sweetishbubble, made this chapter about a hundred times better than before. You all should go check out her fics. She's a really talented author!**

**Show me some love and I'll try really hard to reply to every review.**

**Anywho, have a great weekend! **

**Love, **

**ThankYouForTheVenom08**


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